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Hey! I'm Lisa- I’m here to help you break free from the stories holding you back, and create change that sticks

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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

CwL Ep101:  Valeska’s story of change 

By Amy Welsh | April 19, 2022

Valeska has completely transformed as a person in the past few years and the most delightful thing about her story is the ripple effect this has had on the people around her.

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CwL Ep100:  Love, Surrender and Success with Amy Taylor-Kabbaz

By Amy Welsh | April 12, 2022 | 1

An intimate, honest and love-fuelled conversation between two close friends as they discuss marriage, separation, new relationships, motherhood, surrender and what success and personal power mean to them now

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Recent Posts

  • CwL Ep 161 –  A Sliding Doors story
  • CwL Ep 160 – A story about goodbyes
  • CwL EP 159: A story about an expensive mistake
  • CwL Ep 158 – The story of an extreme response
  • CwL Ep 157 – A story from my son’s birth
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Today we light a candle for Nick, and mark the six Today we light a candle for Nick, and mark the sixth anniversary of his death. Six years. In the days leading up to this I’ve been reflecting a lot on where I’m personally at, after six years. And it’s - a bit worn out, actually. It’s lonely work, raising our kids on my own. Even though we are surrounded by love and very special people, at this exact moment, I feel quite alone with it. Six years without a Dad around. And they are doing really well. They’re great kids. All so different to each other and somehow a complimentary little crew of three. Our household is calm and safe and happy and for that I am grateful. But it’s big work. And it’s relentless. And demanding in brand new ways with teenagers. It still boggles my mind that this is our story. I’ve worked hard to be ok amongst these tricky circumstances and we have a lovely life. Genuinely. But it wears me out. Six years of being the one responsible for it all. I still miss him and resent him and love him and get angry at him. I still talk to him a lot. Mostly I just wish he was around to help me with this teen minefield. To help steward them through these years. Far out. It’s tiring. It’s so much sometimes. Help me, Nick. We’ve come such a long way, the kids and I. I’ve learnt how to care for myself, manage the load. I keep life very simple and in many ways, far smaller than I’d like it to be. But it is what it needs to be right now. Six years without everything he was. Six years with a missing piece. Six years of doing it solo. You left me with such a big job to do, Nick. Your life and your death forged me. And we are good. I’m ok. But it’s a lot.
We were having some dinner in the city before seei We were having some dinner in the city before seeing a show. Mum, my sister and I. My brother was on his way - running a little late. It was getting close to us needing to leave and meet him there instead of the bar but suddenly mums phone rings and it’s him. As her phone started ringing I realised a lovely photo of my bro comes up on her screen when he does. And something about that really got me. As did the way her face lit up when she was talking to him and as she hopped off her chair to make sure a beer was waiting for him on arrival. I started tearing up. For some reason, in that moment, I realised that she still loves her son (all of her children!) with the same intensity as I love mine. It doesn’t disappear. After almost 50 years. In fact, with less of it these days, our company delights her wholly and completely. I hugged her. Crying! I told her how beautiful it is she has a photo of him come up when he calls. So she showed me I had a special photo as well. Oh mum 😭 I don’t know why that moment hit me. Maybe it’s the fact my kids are entering a new phase. Maybe it’s recognition I’ve been on the receiving end of this deep love my entire life. Maybe it’s the unfaded love a mother has for her first born son - seeing it so obviously. I thanked her. Thanked her for loving us like she has. I want her to know how grateful I am. How extraordinarily lucky I feel. I tell her I love her all the time. I’m so glad I got a moment to say thank you for loving me back. ❤️ (For anyone reading this who desperately misses their mum, my heart goes out to you and if you ever met Liz - she wrap you in a big hug, for sure ❤️)
I don’t track macros. I don’t count calories. I don’t track macros. I don’t count calories. I don’t track sleep. I don’t count steps. I don’t know my weight. Or waist size. I don’t measure anything like that. Never have. But as soon as the blossom comes out in Spring - I notice. The colours of the sky at dawn - the different hues as the morning sun starts breaking over the horizon - I practically drink them in. My children’s tone of voice and the sound of their steps as they walk in the front door - tells me everything I need to know before I even see them. The subtle shift in a friend’s messages - a clue they aren’t ok. Sometimes I feel like I should be paying more attention to the data. It seems very helpful to those that do it. (Especially those who are doing it for life-saving health reasons.) Maybe I should start tracking all that stuff, improve my life? But then I realise… I am paying attention to data - the kind of data that helps make my life better at this moment in time. And I’m cool with that. For now, at least. ❤️
There’s so many ‘firsts’ happening with my k There’s so many ‘firsts’ happening with my kids right now. I feel like I’ve been propelled onto a brand new planet. The pace of change with these teens is REAL! I feel daunted, truth be told, about parenting solo through the teen years. Motherhood has never felt like a challenge in the way it does right now. So much mental energy being spent! And I know I’m only at the base of this mountain - with a 15, 13 and 11 year old. The kids and I are pretty tight, we talk openly about things my son tells me none of his friends are talking to their parents about. I value this. And I am aware there’s also lots I no longer know! Which is new. I am constantly reminding myself of the normality of growing independence and wanting them to feel confident to make their own choices - which means they have to be allowed to make them! But that also exists alongside a desperation to keep them safe and close and protected. Oh the irony 🤪 I don’t love anything the way I love my children. It’s a unique dance of love - and right now, the steps are changing. It’s like we went from dancing ballroom to jazz mixed with circus moves! What is this?! And while I dance on, relentlessly, with the love I have to give, I’ve realised it’s received differently by a teen. Still needed, perhaps even more so, but the exchange is nuanced now. It’s subtle, it’s quieter. They are always growing us, aren’t they? What they need from me as their mother now is so different to ten years ago. And it’s opening me to a deeper level of presence. I am paying close attention and when I am with them I am with them in a new way. Those younger years where I could take them to a park and be present by pushing them on a swing are gone. Now I feel like their life, their growth, has me being swung! Up and down, up and down. So many forces pushing and pulling and I am just holding on for dear life! Laughing, joyous, terrified and drained - what an absolute TRIP parenting is. Let’s swing, baby.

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