CwL Ep 3: Reframing Separation – A conversation with Alisa Latto

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Welcome to a new conversation.

This is my maiden interview for the show and I think you’re going to love it. If you don’t already know my friend, Alisa Latto, you’re in for a treat! She’s a wise and powerful woman, and quite simply, I just like listening to her talk! Such a thrill to have her with me on the show as we get right into what a relationship separation is really like. So much of this is about our personal power so even if you’re in a happy, stable relationship, there is wisdom here for you. 

It was an Instagram post by Alisa that got me fired up about this conversation. She shared the fiery words of Rachel Martin (@finding_joy) that called BS on the term ‘a product of divorce.’ It got me thinking about all of the meanings we give to separation and divorce. Meanings for us, for our ex-partners, for our children, for our extended families. And usually, we slap these meanings on before a separation has even been discussed! Often, those preconceived ideas about what separation will mean keep us stuck; too afraid to pursue what it is we need to be happy. That could be leaving a relationship or it could just be a brave and vulnerable conversation. This conversation is both about walking the road of separation and our power to choose what it will mean for ourselves and for our children.

Key takeaways:

• When you get to the point of leaving a marriage, it’s actually incredibly uncomfortable for everybody else. Those close to you may want you to be more okay or less okay to fit in with their own ideas about the grieving process. Your pain may make them aware of the pain they are avoiding. They may not be capable of holding space for your grief as time goes on. 
• When you leave a marriage or long term relationship, you grieve equally over the loss the person you’re separating from and the dream you had for your life together.
• Over the lifetime of a marriage, there are a million micro-decisions that are made taking someone else’s opinion into consideration. When that marriage falls away, you have a new opportunity to recreate yourself. It can be unsettling to not know who you are without your marriage but it’s an opportunity to get clear on what actually brings you joy.
• You can bring your energy back to yourself at any time. You don’t need to wait for your marriage or relationship to be ending to ask yourself where you are most centred and where you don’t want to bend and sway so much anymore. 
• Divorce never has to define our children. We can use our language, communication and empathy to provide whatever meaning we choose. You don’t have to accept the idea that these defining moments need to define our kids. 

About Alisa

Alisa Latto is the co-founder of 123 Nourish Me and is a writer and nutrition warrior who has avidly studied nutritional medicine, herbal medicine and health sciences for the past decade. She is a proud mum to twin boys and has a passion for creating beautiful, organic, nourishing foods and products that help kids grow up with healthy bodies and minds.

You can connect with Alisa Latto at the 123 Nourish Me website or on Facebook and Instagram.

Links:

Alisa’s Instagram post on ‘children of divorce’
Connect with Lisa at LisaCorduff.com, on Facebook and Instagram