CwL Ep61: Be Do Have

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For years Lisa imagined that buying a diary/planner at the start of the year was going to turn her into a calm and organised person.

By the end of January she’d be back in her chaotic habits and the planner was nowhere to be found.

Only when she realised that DOING things differently, whilst maintaining the same identity of a disorganised and chaotic Lisa was always going to be a failed strategy did she actually start shifting at a core level.

She chose a new way of being and everything started to shift.

You can want a different outcome in your life and do a load of things differently, but if you don’t change your BEing, then change will often allude you.

Learn how to choose a new way of being in this episode! 

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Prefer to read? Access the full transcript here

Hi, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life, and if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you’re here. Enjoy. I’ve been delivering coaching, trainings, lessons, webinars, you name it, for over seven years online. And today on the podcast, you’re listening to what we’re calling a tiny training, taken from inside the vault, here at LCHQ, and we hope you enjoy it.

You can get clear with yourself about the single way of being that would change most things for you. So this is the concept of be, do, have. And it’s this idea that we keep on trying to do things differently to get a different result but we’re still being the same person. So you may keep saying things like this is my time, I am ready to get fit because I am such a sloth. I am so unfit. I am gross. And I’ve got to do something about this.

So what I’m going to do is I’m going to join a gym and I’m going to go to that gym three times a week. That is what I’m going to do. And then I’ll have the body that I really want. Then I’m going to be fit and amazing. And I’m going to walk around in my active wear every day and just be all that on my feed.

What happens when we try to DO but we’re actually still in our identity? Our state of being is slothful, lazy, unfit, never sticks to anything. That’s how I got here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So we’ve done nothing to change who we’re BEING, we just try to do things differently to get a different result. But we always live out our subconscious identity.

Everything that you’re doing in your life is because it’s who you believe that you are

Start working from that point. And this is when I share things like just choose to be happy, or be calm, or any of the words – that is where the work starts. So with the exercise thing, as an example, who do I need to be, is the question I would ask myself, to have that fit, light on my feet body, to be strong? Who do I have to be to have that end result?

I sit with myself and I think, “Right. Well, I need to be committed in a way that I haven’t been before. I’d have to give myself the chance to really commit because I’m not going to feel motivated to go to the gym. I know myself. That’s not going to come easily to me. But maybe if I work from the place of being committed.”

Everyday I wake up and I’m like, “You know what? I’m committed to my fitness. Well then, that’s my state of being.” And we literally have to tell ourselves this stuff over and over and over again, it’s not like an instant, suddenly I’m a fit freak.

But we choose a state of being that would be really, really transformative in one area of our lives or in so many different areas of our lives. Or the part that’s plaguing you the most, the part that’s keeping you from doing things that actually serve you instead of everybody else, because we’ve all just filled up our time with stuff. And we probably haven’t been intentional about what we’re prioritising.

Who do you need to be to get the results that you want to have?

Whether that’s easy mornings to get out the door. Not like, “Okay. I need to put up an action list for the kids and they need to tick everything off.” Yeah, that stuff is good. But if you’re still coming at mornings frazzled, expecting the worst and unslept from the night before, tired… Then those little strategies, they’re not going to mean anything because you’re still being your frazzled, tired self. So, who do you need to be to have those smoother mornings?

Do you need to be rested? Do you need to be calm? Bring an element of calm. So wake up, give yourself a little bit of time and space in the morning, if you’ve chosen to be calm, and listen to a five minute meditation. You see, if you choose the state of being, you do things differently to get the end result.

Does this make sense to you? You have to be working at that changing the identity level. Many of you know that this is what I really tried to change in myself. I could see my life was quite chaotic, disorganised. Unpredictable I guess, would be a word that I would use to describe my life.

I chose to work from a place of calm and a place of peace. And then decisions are so much easier to make about what I say yes to and no to. And when I am being peaceful, when I’m like, “You know what? I’m being peaceful. Everything’s okay” then I protect that peace.

Once you do start to experience be, do, have and what it feels like to work from this new state of being, it feels good. So, even if it is committed like, wow, I’ve really just shown myself that when I choose to be committed, I actually follow through. Then it starts to become part of the fabric of who you are. And then, it’s easier to say, “No, actually, I’m going home after dinner. I’m not going out for drinks afterwards as well, because I get up at six and go to the gym.” Can you see how it just changes things?

Get used to disappointing people

When we’re shifting this stuff within ourselves, all of you chronic people pleasers, you have to get used to disappointing people. Because when you start choosing, when you’ve really sunk into the fact that this whole modern motherhood thing is a lie, you’re never going to feel happy and content and joyful and calm and connected and powerful when you are literally burning the candle at both ends for other people all the time. When you really get that it doesn’t actually serve you or anybody else. And you need to start putting yourself on the priority pile, then other people who are used to you just being there all the time and doing all the things, their feathers might be ruffled.

Or even people who are stuck in their story, and start seeing you take positive action for yourself. Their feathers will be ruffled too. Or you’re suddenly not going to be the person who’s saying yes to all of the play dates or yes, to being on every single committee, because you’re like, “No, I need to get a little bit more serious about things that I want to do for me as well.” Then it might ruffle other people’s feathers.

Elizabeth Gilbert was onto something

I remember Liz Gilbert and I’m sure you guys know who she is, Elizabeth Gilbert wrote Eat Pray Love. I saw her speak in Brisbane and she spoke about how she used to find it so draining when she did events. People would come afterwards and meet and greet, telling her the stories like “Your book changed my life”, “I left my marriage.” This and that and the other.

She was just energetically drained all the time. So, she stopped doing the meet and greets. And she knew she was going to disappoint people, but she had to establish her own boundaries and know what was okay or not okay for her. So, her way of being, was that she wanted to show up and she wanted to give while she was on stage and be the best version of her. And that was compromised if she knew she had to do these hours of people just waiting to get her to sign a book and then tell her their life story.

I think about that all the time in my life with people, friends when they catch up. Or at least there’s always things pulling. It’s like, it’s okay for me to disappoint someone here to be able to protect this place of calm and peace. That’s really, really important to me. Okay.

Let’s get practical

You will not be this new way of being until you decide that you want to. As a really, really important part of this equation, when it comes to letting go of your expectations of perfection and filling up your time with all the other things, not prioritising you. You need to make a decision about how you want to be.

Really start to just get out a journal and to think about all of these different ways of being that would make a difference to your life. That would help you get the results that you want without necessarily having to do anything differently right now, but just have a sit with it.

Think, every single day, I am happy. I have decided to be happy because I don’t want it to be grumpy anymore. I want happiness. Then every day, just wake up and say, “What would it take for me to be happy today? What would it take for me to feel peaceful today?” Really embody that, feel it in your core. Write it on your screensaver, your mirror, your fridge!

People who have done Ready For Change, understand that we need to create literally new neural pathways. Our brain needs to start walking in a new path. And our old habits are there and they are the easy way to tread. And if you want to change, you actually need to flex new muscles and light up new areas of your brain. That is how you end up. It doesn’t even sound practical. It sounds like it’s existing somewhere out there, but this stuff is real. You repeat this new way of being. Then suddenly, a new way of being might be organised. And you might feel really chaotic but choose to be organised and then see the results that will start to happen in your life.

If you wake up and today, you could be a completer, someone who actually finishes things. Choose any way of being that you want! Tell yourself that that’s who you are, that’s how you’re being. Ask yourself how that would appear in the day. If I was to be organised, if I was to be a follow-througher, what would that look like? What would I need to do today to be that?

Hey, thanks for listening to that episode. I definitely hope you enjoyed it. Now I wanted to let you know that we have a bunch of free stuff available for you at the website. You can go to lisacorduff.com and check out my free stuff section and download something juicy to help you with your transformation. You can also go to our programmes page where I have made available some never sold before workshops and a bunch of short courses to help you with things like creating extra time in your week, moving through your overwhelm, getting on top of your tech habits and getting unstuck. I’m here to help and you’ve got brand new ways for me to do that beyond this podcast. Go to lisacorduff.com and check it out.

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About Lisa

"I’m here to help you break free from the stories holding you back, and create change that sticks"

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