CwL Ep 156 – A story about signs from the other side

One day, I’d say it was about three months, four months after Nick had died. So this was probably the start of 2020. I’d say he died in September, 2019. And if you are new to the podcast, Nick was my husband and the father of my three kids. We’d separated early in 2019 and he passed away in September of 2019. He was in relapse

And had spent six months in a sober house before that. Anyway, it was a shockingly bad time. And a friend called me, she lives in Perth, and I knew she’d been waiting to see this psychic. I don’t know if it was a psychic or a medium either way. She’d waited a really long time. And she called and she said, okay, Lisa, I’m fine with this. But it was a little bit strange. I’ve waited a really long time to see this woman, and we spent probably three-quarters of the time letting Nick have his say. And I said, sorry, I’m really sorry about that. This is not the first time this had happened. Actually, it was quite extraordinary in those very, very first maybe six months, the amount of people that contacted me that said that they had direct messages from him. But this one in particular stood out and it was because of what she said. She said quite a lot of things that resonated, and one of them was that he’s going to come through in the music. And I thought, wow, okay. Unsurprising. He was a musician himself. I mean, he loved music. I didn’t quite know

What she was talking about, but he’s going to come through in the music is what she said. And so I just sort of took that obviously had a huge cry because he felt, it felt so, he felt like he was trying really, really hard to let me know certain things. Someone dies and the circumstances aren’t even clear to you how at the time, and you are aching for information. And I was aching on behalf of the children. It was all of it. So after we had this conversation and I apologised and I said, look, I’m really pleased and I am happy to pay for your session. Oh God, Nick let people have their moments. And she was fine with it. And the first song that came on, I think I probably had Spotify on just some sort of random playlist. And within 10 minutes of hanging up, the music was playing. And the first song that came on was Mirror Mirrors, whatever it is by Justin Timberlake. And I was listening to it. He loved that song. And so it was funny because I never really paid attention to the lyrics of that song. And suddenly I was listening to it and I was crying because it was a song that reminded me of him.

But then I thought, well, I wonder what is this song actually really about? And I went and had a look at the lyrics and I mean, I still cry when I hear that song. It says, I’m going to read you some of the lyrics because with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul, I can tell you there’s no place we couldn’t go. Just put your hand on the glass. I’ll be trying to pull you through. You’ve just got to be strong. I don’t want to lose you. Now I’m looking right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold. Show me how to fight for now. And I’ll tell you, baby, it was easy coming back here to you once I figured it out. You were right here all along. And then it says, it’s like you’re my mirror. My mirror is staring back at me. I couldn’t get any bigger with anyone else beside me. And now it’s clear as this promise that we are making two reflections into one. Like You’re my mirror. My mirror is staring back at me.

And it still

Makes me,

Because I think the reason why it really hit me is because I tried so hard for so long. I wanted to love him to sobriety. And this is a very, very big thing I’ve had to learn about myself. It was a very hard lesson. It was the hardest of all. And what I felt like he was saying to me in that song is, you did your best. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be any bigger with anyone else beside me. And then also, I guess just that sense of him being right there on the other side of mirror that he was, I can access him. He’s watching, he’s there. We’re still connected. And it’s been funny the times when that song might come on. And sometimes I even just listen to it so that I am reminded because for sure a huge part of my healing has been letting go of the idea that there was something that I could do to prevent him dying. And when I think of him singing that song, when I think of what those lyrics mean to me, when I think that maybe he was trying to send me a message with those lyrics, I feel more peaceful.

And that’s nice to feel the kids. And every time we hear Michael Jackson or the Beatles particularly, Hey Jude, and we comes on at such crazy times, he loved both Michael Jackson and the Beatles. And there’ll be times when we’re having a conversation in the car and it might even be about him, and then a song will come on. It really is crazy. I know that most likely it’s completely random. There’s times we do that. I think he should be here for this if there was to be a song and there. But there has been enough times for it to just be a little bit strange. And I often think it doesn’t even matter. It just doesn’t matter if it’s true or not true. It’s about what we believe and the comfort that gives us. I mean, when my grandparents died, when I was a kid, I was a person who believed in heaven. And that gave me peace. And I think about that concept now I’m like, that’s freaking crazy. But it gave me peace at the time, and so does believing that Nick will come through in the music. And there’s all sorts of different ways that that has happened. I look at the lyrics here. I mean, he has albums worth of songs that he wrote and recorded, and I just have to dip into that and I can have a sense of him, see what he was writing in a brand new light all these years later. I never understood. I thought I did at the time. I didn’t. He was so much deeper

And so much more ahead of his time, really. It was like I was witnessing something but not fully getting it. And now with the passage of time with knowing what he was going through with a new level of understanding of him, it’s a beautiful thing. I feel very lucky. I think the kids are going to learn a lot about their dad through his music. But that initial moment, that initial song, that time when I was told, he’s telling you he’ll come through in the music, and I put on that, Justin, go and listen to that song. It is going to be like, what special? So that’s my story about messages from the other side. I have so many, many, I literally have about a four-page letter that he wrote to me and delivered through a medium who didn’t know who it was at the time. And then she discovered who it was. I mean, it is Wild. Talks about each of our children, talks about the specifics of what happened. It blew my mind. She wasn’t allowed to give it to me until I asked for it from her. And I didn’t even know that there was anything to ask this person for. The wildness of that ride has been something else. That is for sure.

And hey, the doors are open to What’s the Story, which is the four-week programme where I help you connect in with your story and get to tell better stories so that you can connect and share and teach and all sorts of things. Stories are powerful and I love helping other people find their storytelling confidence and voice. Join me.