CwL Ep128 Bringing sexy back

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life, and if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you are here. Enjoy.

Okay, I’m going to channel my inner just timber for this episode. I’ve got his song I’m bringing sexy back in my head because that’s what we are going to be doing. We’re going to be talking about how sexy you feel because here’s the thing. In the survey on women that I did this year, so many fascinating insights about sexual satisfaction, and there’s so many linking factors to this, but the overall result was that 69.3% of women rated their level of sexual satisfaction at five or under. So it’s like 70%, five or under. And this is a really nuanced conversation. There are so many factors at play here, and I’m not a sex therapist, but I find it really, really curious. I actually saw an article written the other day, and they actually had a smaller sample size than me, and it was talking about how much sex couples were having was related directly to the amount of support a woman felt at home, or whether she felt like she was on her own with a domestic load. That absolutely came into play in my data as well, for sure. But what I thought was really interesting when I asked about the reason for not being a 10 out of 10, the top result by a long way, by almost double. The next one was lack of desire.

And I think that there’s a lot that happens in relationships and once again, nuanced, but I always start with the woman and what’s going on for her. There can be so many different reasons that we don’t feel desire for a partner, but if we ignore the partner for a moment, I want to ask you, when was the last time you felt sexy? When was the last time you felt really turned on in yourself? What if we just ignored the relationship stuff for a while? What if we just put that to the side for a moment? Maybe you don’t like, let’s not think about fixing a relationship or what’s missing there or what he’s not doing, why you’re resentful, all those sorts of things. Let’s not think that we have to wait for anything because you can start turning yourself back on. I know <laugh>, that it could seem a bit way off if you are really tired and overwhelmed by the daily grind. If you are mentally, emotionally, domestically overloaded, feeling sexy can seem like a way of fantasy, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. And I’m all about just trying things on until we get what it is that we want, the feeling that we want. There’s always something to try.

And I think that as women, I we’re built for pleasure, we’re built for sexual pleasure, that is for sure, but we’re also pleasure seeking kind of creatures, aren’t we? But it’s so easy to shut off that part of ourselves. I remember really realising that I had mean, my underwear had gotten to a state of just shocking, shocking. I was pregnant or breastfeeding for six years in a row. I, I didn’t have a period as soon as I could get pregnant, I was pregnant again. I am very blessed and lucky to have had that experience, but it meant that I was either making a baby, feeding a baby, and then I was dealing with other toddlers over this six year period. It was nuts and it didn’t end after that. And I wore the same stretchy kind of vibe, getting bigger, getting smaller. I need to put all of our resources into clothing, our children instead of focusing on me.

And my body felt different, so I was still having sex <laugh>. We had a lot of sex in our marriage, but it wasn’t, I wasn’t feeling sexy. And I remember the time where I thought, okay, this has got to change. I got to do something about this. I literally can’t wear this stuff anymore. And I just didn’t spend a whole heap of money, but got some new knickers, got two bras, and I can tell you for sure, I mean, I was living in Brisbane at the time, it was pretty hot. I was probably sweating through that stuff, but I felt amazing. Just one simple thing, and I felt amazing. My body hadn’t changed, my circumstances hadn’t changed, the freaking humidity hadn’t changed, but I just made this one little upgrade and suddenly, whew, I was getting my sexy back, was rocking around feeling quite luscious, actually.

I can remember the same thing when I chopped my hair off. I was the mum bun phase and I was paying no attention to it, no attention to my hair. It was sort of just something that I had to deal with <laugh>, but I wasn’t really, I just sort of wash it and then put it up. And I remember just thinking, I think I’m ready for a style. I’m ready to have this styled. Could I, have I got room in my schedule for this? Would I be able to blow dry my hair consistently? And I did it. Wow. I mean, that changed how sexy I felt as well. Just so simple, right? I can remember when I went back out to see some live music, just being in a room of bodies and amazing music and feeling it through my body. I felt sexy then. Oh yes, I did.

There’s something about it just activates something in. Maybe it’s remembering a time like young, carefree, Lisa going to gigs and loving life, all of these tiny little things, it doesn’t actually rely on anyone else for us to activate that sexy part of ourselves. I know there are a lot of sexy vixens just waiting to come out in this community of women, and I don’t plan on ever having that part of me disappear because I, it’s fuel to me. I actually think it’s an untapped resource for most of us. And when we get ourselves turned back on in this way, we have more energy naturally, we have a better mood, we make it easier to, it makes it easier to take care of ourselves because we are feeling worthy of taking care, being taken care of. We start to seek out what feels good more often. It’s good. I mean, do you have a favourite outfit that when you wear it, you feel amazing, maybe you light the feeling of it on your skin? Are there a pair of silk PJs that you’re just like, oh yeah, me in these sheets? Yeah, I have a skirt that when I put it on, I just, the feeling of it against my legs, even just the breeziness of skirts does it for me.

I mean, this, we are sexy creatures and we don’t even notice it ourselves. But when we work from the place of I am a sexy goddess, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got makeup on and hair done, nothing like that. It’s a feeling inside. Although, I mean, I do have a favourite lippy that when I put it on, I’m like, well, yeah, Lisa, yeah, Lisa, this is happening. And a favourite bra. I mean, I’ve got a special fancy bra. There’s the bras that I wear every day that I actually really do love. But there’s two, well, there’s actually two. There’s really, really sexy ones, and no one else needs to know that I’m wearing my sexy bra. And let’s be honest,

Party boy’s favourite time of the day is brass off o clock. No, brass is great times, but for me, I feel like I just, there’s just a feeling that I get when I’m wearing those bras. But a lot of it also comes down to how we’re talking to ourselves. And this is where we can go wrong. We can wait for a partner to tell us we look amazing or touch us in the right ways or wait for a night where we’re going out so we can put on fancy clothes and feel sexy, or we can literally talk to ourselves in a brand new way. We can just create dialogue around this stuff with us. You know, just ask yourself, what would feel sexy today? What turns me on? And you can go ahead and do that partner or no partner. And it’s amazing what happens as a result. Not only do you feel different inside, but like people notice <laugh>, things start to happen. You are more magnetic and all you are doing is just turning your good self on in lots of different ways. Are there songs that you put on and you move your body and you feel amazing? Do you feel sexy when you are walking to that beat on your favourite walking route?

Your body is amazing, and I know that because you are alive and it exists and it’s yours, and it was built for pleasure. So this is me just gently encouraging

You to stop focusing on what might need to happen in a relationship in order to just have more sex or better sex or whatever, and start focusing first on you, how sexy you feel. Are you bringing that to your relationship? Are you waiting for something? And if you’re like, Lisa, this is all great but far out, oh yeah, don’t gimme something else to do. This is an onerous, it’s not hard. It’s just a question that you can ask yourself. I get you are tired. Oh, I saw the stats in that survey about tiredness and it broke my heart. And no doubt I’ll be doing podcasts about that too. But when you do a survey and only 1.8% of women feel fully rested and 98.2% do not, that has a flow on effect to most areas of our lives. So don’t think that you have to be fully rested because you, you’re not having sex or you don’t feel like being touched because by the end of the day, you’re absolutely exhausted. That’s like the majority of women, and it’s not good. And I think there’s absolutely things we can do to change that, and we rest is one of our core basics in the change room for that exact reason. But you can activate sexy any time of the day. You could get up in the morning, stretch your body and be in your body. Just do three simple stretches and that could feel super sexy to you.

I mean, how are you washing yourself? Are you making that a sexy experience? You can get yourself turned on right from the outset. I’m just saying, I’m just putting this out there. It’s not as though every morning in the shower I am doing this. It’s just the options are available if you start paying attention. And because it was such a huge number of women who were deeply sexually unsatisfied, and it’s not my wheelhouse to help with overcoming deep stuff around sex. I do think that there’s ways I’m like, I’m just going to be the person who prompts you to think about yourself and whether you are bringing sexy to the table for yourself and what that might take, what that might look like, think outside the square. Like I said, going to see live music. I don’t know why I feel like a sexy goddamn rock star when I’m doing that, but I do.

It’s weird. I think that we can activate that part of ourselves so much more often and life feels so much better when we do. Give it a try. If you try anything, go ahead, tag me on Instagram or something in your stories or in a post share with me. I love hearing what’s going on. You can write back to an email that I send you at any time. If you are not on my email list, you really should be because a lot of cool stuff happens there. Anyway, get your sexy on. See you next week.

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