CwL Ep115 Stop resenting time-suckers!

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff, welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life, and if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you are here. Enjoy.

Hey, welcome to what will be a short, sharp episode of the podcast. And I’m recording this because I’m feeling a little bit ranty. I am currently running a little poll in my Insta Stories where I’m asking people about their major struggles with time. And do you know which question, I’ve asked multiple questions, which one got the most yeses? And that was, do you find yourself feeling resentful towards people who demand so much of your time? Lots of people are saying yes to the resentment. Now, I want to say something about this because the first thing that I want to say is our time can be demanded, but it can’t be taken, we actually have to give it. Oh, and I know that there’s situations, I know because I am a parent, where we obviously give our time to people who depend on us and it’s just a part of the gig. But, pretty much everything else is you giving your time, saying yes to things, when maybe you want to scream, no.

What I wanted to say about this is, it is less about these demanding people. They will always exist. You can feel resentful that they’re asking a lot from you or continuously demanding or sucking your time, but you’re the boss. You are the boss of your life, you are the boss of your time. This has way more to do with you and your lack of boundaries or your inability to say no than it does about them. Ouch, maybe?

The place that I am always coming from is if I’m feeling feelings of resentment, feelings of frustration, well, hang on, what’s the role I’m playing here to create this dynamic? What have I said yes to? What am I allowing that actually these feelings are a sign that this isn’t okay anymore? And then I always work from the place of, what choices do I have here right now that I can exercise? The issue of saying no is a huge one for so many women, because we’ve been conditioned to be good, to make sure that other people’s needs are being met, to not disappoint anyone, to be there, on, all the time as like these freaking never ending fountains of energy, and we’re not that. We don’t have endless time. You’re already feeling stretched, no doubt, and so these people come along and they’re, “Oh my God, I cannot get off the phone from this person.” I’m, “No, I cannot do this,” but we keep doing it. Because to do anything else, to be able to set a little boundary feels impossible because then that might make us selfish.

But does it? How’s that person showing up? That is going to take until you say, “Hang on, I’ve got 10 minutes, I can’t wait to hear everything you’ve got to say, but then I really need to go,” or “This weekend is for me and the family.” Full stop. No can just be a no, but of course, sometimes we find that hard. What’s that going to make me, what are they going to think of me? Will they think I’m a terrible person? Oh, my gosh they really need me right now. Okay, that’s cool, and they might. But it’s within your power to set a boundary around that and to look for where you have choice.

I created a workshop and we talked about our time budgets. Just like a monetary budget you have an amount of money, you figure out where that’s going to be going, how the resources are going to be divided up. Awesome. Same with your time. Be a bit more intentional about this. If you find yourself feeling resentful, that’s on you. What boundary do you need to create so that that feels like a really fair exchange with that person? Start looking at your patterns of people pleasing, of giving when there’s nothing left to give, of saying yes when you actually really mean no.

In every single programme I’ve ever run, the whole point is to get to a place where we can lovingly observe ourselves, take ownership for what is ours in this life. Look for where we can make a really empowered choice. If you joined The Change Room, you are going to be trying a lot of this stuff on over the next three months. And if you missed out, I do encourage you to join the wait list for the next round. There’s already people knocking on the door saying they didn’t get in this time, but when are we opening again? Get on the wait list so you can find out. I might not launch it publicly, I might just launch it to the wait list.

I want you to know that there are choices here for you. Act like it. Act like your time is your most precious resource, your energy is your most precious resource. Give in a way that feels good to you. Is it their problem that they’re this kind of person? No. If it’s a problem for you, then what can you do about it?

I just had to come on here and record this. I told you it would be short and sweet, but it’s a really important message. Where else in your life do you feel resentful? Is it because you aren’t too great at boundaries? Is it because you’re so busy trying to be good and trying to be amazing and do all the things and care for all the people that you’ve never actually learned how to communicate and, no, not this time? No, not today, or, thank you I will be in contact with you as soon as this busy time is over. I do it.

Just before launching The Change Room, I got in contact with my peeps. I’m like, “You guys, if you hear less from me over the next week, it’s because we’re opening the doors. I really want all my energy to be focused on this. I love you. If there’s anything that you need, please get in contact, but I’m going to be in my zone.” So helpful to communicate that to people. “I’m actually experiencing my own tough time at the moment and I really want to be there for you. How about a walking date on this day or something?” You get to choose, start exploring and experimenting with boundaries and watch your life change, watch resentment drop away because you realised you are boss. Okay. See you soon.

Hey, if you missed out on joining The Change Room recently, never fear. We have created a waitlist and you can jump on that right away and be the first to hear about the next time that we open the doors. If you join the waitlist, I will keep you well stocked with ways in which you can make sure that you’re creating some small tweaks to your life while you’re waiting for this experience to open up again. It’s possible to feel different, better different in your life. Join the wait list for The Change Room and I’ll be in touch.

Hey, if you’re enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world to me if you’d head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review. It really makes a difference and it’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversations that really change the game as possible. Thanks so much for your help and I’ll see you in the next episode.