CwL Ep109: Why I was crying into my roast potatoes

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life, and if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you’re here. Enjoy.

Hey, we got a really great response from last week’s episode, so I encourage you to go back and listen to that, if you didn’t get the chance. It seems that I am not the only one feeling the way that I’m feeling at the moment. And it is nice to just be able to talk honestly about, that we’re all in this together. And I think sometimes when you are in a position where … Well, I mean, I can only speak for myself here, but I’ve managed to help a lot of women over the years, thousands of you, just create change in your life, in an area that you have been wanting to do that. And sometimes, if I am feeling the stuckness, if I am feeling like I am not able to access that part of me that uses the tools and is vibing high, that sometimes I can just feel like I want to hide away for a little bit and not share.

And then, I remember that all I want is genuine conversation. I don’t want all of the spin and sloganeering and vanilla-izing the human experience. I actually want to share openly and honestly, and I mean that word, authentically. I mean, I can only really ever share what is true to me. And at the moment the truth has been that 2022 has been really up and down and filled with some moments of, “Shit, yeah, we’re on this thing. Oh my God. Life is so good. It is so sweet. I am here for all the juicy deliciousness. I am so blessed in so many areas of my life. I am so on top of my routine and my health, and the kids are good.”

And then, it’s been filled with times of, “What the fuck am I doing with my life? What the heck? Why aren’t I feeling good, doing the things that I know to do? And why can’t I get a grip here? What’s happened? Have I lost it? Have I lost control of all the things? Is something coming? Do I just need to move to Bali?” Funny, but not really. That’s a bit of what it’s felt like for me.

And today on this episode, I just wanted to give you an example of how I apply just one of the basics of life, to my everyday situation. Because you might look at me online and think, “Hey, that’s a woman who’s got her shit together.” Or, “That’s Lisa. Yeah, she’s helped me out before, she must know what she’s doing.” And then it’s like, oh no, actually she’s a human. I am so, so human, and I am just figuring this all out on the fly as well.

And so, one of the things that I always come back to, and if you’ve followed me for any length of time, you would know that it’s keeping things as simple as we can possibly keep them. Right? And I must say, I have not been practising this well in certain areas of my life, for sure. I have overcomplicated to the max, certain areas of my life.

So, I wanted to give you an example of a very, very basic application of how I try to keep things simple. And this really speaks to the up and down-ness that I spoke about. Everything can be feeling like it’s vibing … And for me, that is a lot to do with how I’m feeling at home and in my work. And because I work from home and because my work is a lot about my life, my learnings, my reflections, separating those two out is, over the years, something that I’ve really had to work on, but it all feels like it happens in one spot, which I’m looking at shifting up on the other side of this half of 2022.

Anyway, there was this moment, okay? This moment, either last week, or the week before. And it was a Sunday, and Sundays, I traditionally really like to just … I mean, I’m doing the same things as you, right? I am making sure I’m on top of the washing, so everyone’s got school uniforms for the week. I’m doing a shop and I’m making sure that we have things for lunches for the week and a few things for dinner, and just the basic life stuff. It’s not fancy, but I do like to start the week with a sense of order.

And it had been a really, really busy few weeks. So, it had been both of my daughter’s birthdays, of which there were multiple celebrations of each birthdays. I mean, the in-laws, my family, the birthday parties, it was all the things. And I might have gone a bit overboard, because my goodness, it has been a while since we could go full out for birthdays, right? For these precious, amazing kids, who’ve lived through two years of horrendous lockdowns here in Melbourne. And they all got sick in that space of time too, so I had 10 days of kids at home and I was like, “You know what? It’s going to feel really good to be organised this Sunday. I know what I need to do. I know.”

And then it got to about 5:30 PM and I had a roast in the oven, things were feeling far more sorted, a bit more settled. And I realised that I didn’t have any bread or milk. Now, not a biggie, because I mean, we can survive without those things for 24 hours, but it broke me. I cried, I cried, because I felt like a failure. It’s amazing what we make things mean in the moments when we’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed, but I thought, “Here I am going into this week. It’s been a really big few weeks and I just want to feel on top of stuff.” Ah, see, there I am, that version of Lisa who can’t even have bread and milk available for the week. What’s wrong with you? How do you expect to do big, important things in your life if you can’t even nail the basics? I mean, I went there, I really went there.

And I want to share this, because when I’m on that knife’s edge, where I can be tipped either way, when it really doesn’t take much to knock me, I know that I’ve been making life harder for myself than it needs to be. I’ve put too much on my plate. I’ve expected too much from myself. I’ve been going at it too hard. I haven’t had enough rest. I’m maxed out.

And I come back to, how can I make this all simpler for myself? What might have helped me not get to the point? It wasn’t about the bread and milk. It was about the state I’d gotten myself into. What do I need to strip back here? Why have I ended up in this place? When I know I am fully capable of making sure that there’s bread and milk, why did this happen? When we ask kind, curious questions of ourselves, we can make sure that we don’t totally fall off the edge. And I kept thinking, “We’ve just come through…” Look, I actually don’t know many people who haven’t experienced a bout of pretty intense illness in their family over the last month or two. That’s enough at the moment, to just knock us off, but should it be? What are we doing too much of, what aren’t we doing enough of, to ensure that we can ride these waves? And not being hard on ourselves when we do find ourselves crying into our roast pork, that we’ve forgot the bread and milk.

But just quite genuinely, really? This needs to be pared back even more, this life that I’m living, because I don’t really want to get to the stage of crying like this on a Sunday. It’s not about the bread and milk. It never is. It’s about how we’re choosing to live our life. The pace that we’re living at. What we said yes to. I mean, I said yes to a lot for those birthdays. I expected myself to keep working through having sick kids at home. I’ve set standards of expectation for deadlines that just don’t feel reasonable, and I’m letting it stress me out. And it’s my business.

How can we simplify things? Where are you adding complication and overwhelm? Is there elements of this that you’re responsible for? It’s these questions, it’s the basics that are helping me the most right now. They’re the things that I’m returning to, to ride this transition period, to set myself up again. Really, that’s what it feels like, I’m building something new. It’s like this weird, muddy in my head, hangover effect of the last few years. And I’m having to get a bit more intentional, but you know what? It can’t feel like extra hard work.

I’m shutting down all the noise on my social media. Just muting accounts. I’ll come back to them eventually, but right now, I just don’t even want to look. I don’t know how you feel, but it’s just adding to the noise in my head. I’m having to strip back, and simplify, what is important right now? How can decisions be filled with ease? Almost like, what’s a next year thing to worry about? And what’s just for right now? It helps me so much to look for where I can simplify things.

And wow, if you ever find yourself crying into your roast potatoes about forgetting some basic ingredients for the week, you’ll know things are a bit much, so where can they be simplified? I am going to be welcoming you into a brand new experience very soon, where we get to explore these basics and apply them to areas of our life. It’s exciting. It’s a little bit daunting, I must say, putting something new out into the world, but if any of this resonates for you, I want you to make sure you’re keeping your eyes and ears open. Okay? Because, you are not alone. The basics never go out of fashion. We can gently just get curious to whether we’re actually applying them to our lives, to help us create more of whatever it is that we want right now. It’s going to be super fun, and I’ll keep the poddies coming in the meantime. I hope you’re well and I’ll see you next week.

Hey, if you feel like you’ve tried all the silver bullet approaches and read all the books and podcasts and you still find yourself treading water a little bit in your life, then I want to let you know that there’s something brand new that I’m creating, that is going to flip the lid on the way that we create change in our lives. I don’t know about you, but things right now have to feel a little bit more fun, a little bit lighter, a little bit easier, and still take us where we want to go. I’m really excited to be sharing more about this with you soon. So, you’re going to have to stay tuned.

Hey, if you’re enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world to me if you head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review. It really makes a difference. And it’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversations that really change the game, as possible. Thanks so much for your help and I’ll see you in the next episode.