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She was trying to do it all and none of it was working!
In this week’s Story of Change, you meet Carly – a successful career woman and loving mother of two married to her childhood sweetheart.
Which all sounds great, right?
So why did life feel like Struggle Street? Why was her relationship feeling more snarky and bitter than loving and whole? Why did she keep snapping at her young kids instead of leaning into and embracing the messiness of motherhood?
Over the past few years, Carly has transformed in phenomenal ways – you will love her story and discover the simple and powerful tools that have made all the difference.
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Prefer to read? Access the transcript here
| Lisa Corduff | Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life, and if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you’re here. Enjoy. Well, I’m glad. 27 minutes after we started this zoom call, we’ve actually decided to press record and have the conversation. Carly. Welcome to the podcast. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Thank you so much for having me. This is exciting. |
| Lisa Corduff | Is this the first time you’ve been on the podcast? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Yes, it is, I’m a longtime listener. Big time fan. |
| Lisa Corduff | Been around the traps for a little while. Been following |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | you for a while Lisa Following |
| Lisa Corduff | stalking. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Oh yeah, massive fangirl stalker. |
| Lisa Corduff | Well, part of the team is where you are |
| Lisa Corduff | Yes. So anyone who’s been Ready For Change over the last few years and obviously Live The Change knows who the amazing Carly is because look, actually, was it in small steps? Did you start in small steps? Did you put your hand up in small steps days? No, I think |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | I think ready for change had started, but I think I had put my hand up just to say, Hey, I’m here. I love the work that you do. I love the impact that you’re having on the women that were in the spaces that you’re operating in and if I could be of any help I wanted to be. |
| Lisa Corduff | I’m like, I like this girl. I like, feel like we would be friends. I. R. L. (in real life) |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | And you had introduced me, you had introduced me to some really fundamental concepts that started to shift me. I think it might have been back to you where I was like, oh my God, Lisa has just been in my head and my heart and I think that’s when I was just like after she’s got something here? I need to be part of that. |
| Lisa Corduff | Yeah, Back to you. That was such a great, it is such a great program. It’s still available. It just asks interesting questions when you are ready for that. It’s a beautiful intro program, which I love, now, but let’s talk about you. Um, This is not about me, this is about you. |
| Lisa Corduff | Did you do the first round of Ready for Change? Yes, So 2019. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Yeah, |
| Lisa Corduff | you were, How old were your kids? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | I think 2019, 2022. So Evie was 18 months and Zeke would have been five. |
| Lisa Corduff | I mean that’s little |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | four, |
| Lisa Corduff | four little kids. Okay, so that’s sort of where you’re at. So can you paint us a little bit of a picture of Carly pre-RFC? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Oh, funny. Um So yes, |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | very career-oriented woman. Um you know, it’s always quite ambitious. I had had small Children and just thought I could keep going at the pace that I was going, pre Children. Um and the wheels were just falling off. Um, we were falling off in my home with my partner, um I was, you know, just a very busy mom, so if the kids weren’t complying and I would say that in inverted commas if they weren’t doing what mommy needed them to do was very cranky money. So it’s not the mom, the wife, the woman that I wanted to be, and I knew something had to change. So. |
| Lisa Corduff | So you jumped into RFC and tell me, can you remember some of your original light bulbs? Because I mean you go through the program every time as a mentor within the program and you support other women. And we always just love seeing those first initial lights go off of people when they’re like what I’ve been telling myself, there’s all these years and it wasn’t actually true. Can you remember what some of your original light bulbs were? Or some of those original stories that you sort of then we’re like or maybe that’s not true |
Carly Tyquin-Lovering | I think they keep the big ones that just started dropping for me originally, we’re just having to have to do everything. Not actually um you know, asking for help, always having to carry the load. And that’s a story that comes up for me. We were talking about this before funnily enough, but it was just that you know, I guess expectations of what women I need to do and be in this world. And I just thought that I could and should be able to do all the things and so just recognizing when we run through this very, very simple process in Ready for Change that just allowed me to go, oh my God, what is that? So I’m trying to just think of a really simple example that is not coming to my mind right now. |
| Lisa Corduff | the word that I think of when I think of you is like I think especially at the start is high functioning, high expectations for yourself, high functioning able to actually take on quite a lot and manage for the most part, but then it’s like where did that come from, that idea of, I can never ask for help or is it a weakness to say I’m not coping? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Yeah, it’s just that I think they’re asking for help. Um, it was always just that I expected that we should just learn the stories of having to do all the things and not complain about it. Um you know my family, I come from a family who are always just like come on, get on with it and get over it basically. Not that my parents were particularly hard on me, but it was just always the achievement-driven context that I grew up in. Ah I never, there was a story of my sister will love this when she hears it because my sister is quite academic, I was quite athletic. Um, So I’ve always struggled from that perspective like I’ve always felt not smart enough, right? Not good enough, not smart enough from that aspect, I was always driven by my ability to be able to achieve and keep stacking things on the plate and so that’s I guess that’s where that stuff comes from. Yes, so it’s funny when you start with history and picking up those stories. |
| Lisa Corduff | Well, this is the thing I think that we all get into this space of this is what life is. This is who I am. And we fight really hard for those identities. We see it with women when they come into Ready For Change. It’s almost it’s discombobulating when you’re like, also, if I’ve built up this idea of who I am, and if I can actually see that’s something that was given to me, or that’s something that was shaped by a competition I had with my sister or a story that I created for myself that just because I wasn’t like her, I wasn’t smart, which is such a narrow view, like that academic view of smartness. But we take that ship on and we’re suddenly adults. You are exceptionally good at what you do. And yet this thing, this story persists and it plays out in ways that were not even aware of until we shine a light on it and go, okay, okay, so maybe I know stuff well then who am I if I’m not The dumb underachiever, or if I’m not just the sporty one and |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | that is really, really confronting, |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | really confronting, but the reality, I guess like the light bulb and the harms that come out of that have been resulted in me becoming a completely different person taking on a curiosity mindset and an experimental mindset, there’s a, there’s something that I’m working, I’m still working on it, but you know, from the property. So, you know that I’m developing a property, right? So, the years that have gone into me considering wanting to do that and not doing anything um have always, I think just been sitting in the background simmering, but just being able to take on that. I am smart enough, I do know things I, you know, changing that story around. I’m now actually developing my first property and I’m creating a business taking a little bit of time because I keep putting too much on my plate. But it is those stories that keep, you know, what’s more, important to me, Like we start to build in um you know, different stories and different layers that can help support what you want versus what you don’t and keeping those things stuck in your brain, I’m not smart enough to do that. I couldn’t possibly try doing that. I would never get there. Well, hang on a minute, if I was able to flip that a little bit and think, well, if I just took this step, I wonder what would happen, I just made that phone call, don’t know. And just as you start building the confidence around those little experiments, you start to go and the universe bends in beautiful ways and starts to show you that you’ve been keeping yourself in a bit of a pattern for a while and you’re interesting, |
| Lisa Corduff | I just lost all of that because it is about being curious and that takes you so much further than that sort of stuck repetitive thought pattern. So, tell me then Now, like Carly in 2022, um you just made a pretty big move and you know, you do have your, you know, you are developing this property and you know so much has, well, I’ve seen so much shift for you, but how do you think your life is different now that you know how to spot that stuff? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | That’s what I was thinking, you know where this conversation was going to go today? It’s really interesting you ask that because the biggest thing that I have learned from being ready for change is really about my responsibility and energy. Um and what comes from that is my emotions, like how do I manage myself emotionally? Like if I’m not being responsible with my needs and how I need to show up for my day, then my energy is all over the place, which means my emotions are running the show. So, I feel like that’s the biggest sort of learnings that have taken from this has changed my life, is being able to step back And take that 30,000 ft view of myself and go what is actually happening here for me and what do I need to give myself right now at this moment to come to my nervous system and that has something I’ve taken into this journey ever since I did ready for change because, and it’s funny like different people and pick things up in, especially in dealing with my children and the level of patients I have. Um and just being able to just take that breath and calm down now. I still run away with my emotions at times. I’m, you know, not a special unicorn in any respect, but that has been a fundamental shift. Just looking into energy and being responsible for how I want to show up, |
| Lisa Corduff | You know, and the ripple effects of that is huge because how do you think that your parenting has changed that was originally what you felt was I’m not showing up as the mom, the wife, the woman that I know that I want to be. Um, so how has it changed? Like give some examples of, I mean, I mean, I think choosing to move your family to where you’ve moved them would probably be an example of that, but also you had all of that home learning last year in Sydney and managing all of that sort of stuff. So how do you think, what do you think the ripple effect of you learning that for yourself has impacted your family? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Then I immediately go to the relationship I have with my son who is very much like me, an extremely energetic little boy, I witnessed in him, certain elements of my achievement drive and him comparing himself to others in the classroom with certain learning, yes, so when we’re in the home learning last year, he where he was struggling and there’s such a range of Children and And abilities in, I think he was yet year one. So um you know, just observing him learning to read and doing all of the english lessons, which I still can’t even remember some of the tasks, but the level of frustration and his emotional resilience was just really low and so we had to do a lot of work to help him regulate um because of what I’ve learned and ready for change, I was able to, rather than get in it with him, be able to just stand behind him and hold him in the sense of just helping him to calm, helping him to remove himself from that frustration in terms of like he was just saying the anxiety wall comes down for him and being able to recognize that and let’s go outside and kick the soccer ball around for a little while, like I would have just sat next to him in the past and gone, come on, let’s just get this done, let’s just get this done and there was absolutely times where I did still do that, but being able to recognize that it wasn’t working for him and pushing through was not an option and being able to just support him and stand beside him, It’s the same with moving house, he was moving away with some from some beautiful friends that he had made in school and he dug his heels in. I’m not moving, I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying here. Um, so getting him to start at the new school has been a real challenge, but just again, being able to, rather than get embarrassed by the way he behaves at certain times, I’ve been able to just bring the energy down for him and calm it down. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | You know, let’s go for a walk on the beach bud, let’s go and just to pattern interrupt where he was at at the time. Just learning those tools as being fundamentally a big shift in the relationship that I have with him and now we lie in bed together and he will tell me the stories of the day, um the challenges that he’s having rather than just exploding in the moment. |
| Lisa Corduff | So it makes me feel actually a little bit teary because that is such a gift to him. And I mean every single time we offer ready for change and women get all in their heads and I know that some of them like, well I’ve got to it’s selfish for me to do this. It’s selfish. You know, when my kids need this or our family budget needs this, which is all fair enough. There are absolutely, you know financial reasons why yes, why not to invest. I’d never want to talk over the top of that sometimes |
| Lisa Corduff | I’m like, but this work on you this, understanding yourself, this these really simple things that once you hear them you can’t even hear them can fundamentally change the most important relationships that you have in your life. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | 100%. |
| Lisa Corduff | And it’s always like this is the investment that you make in you is also an investment in the people that you love every time. Like, have you ever bought anything to do with your own personal growth or coaching staff or development that has actually meant something worse for the people? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Absolutely not, absolutely not like everything I’ve learned more about myself than I’ve been able to implement that in my life and the people around me have benefited absolutely my kids, absolutely The # one recipients |
| Lisa Corduff | recipients right? Like you should be so proud of yourself. I mean talk about pattern interrupt you basically just got you were going down a certain path of motherhood, you didn’t think you had a choice about it and now you sit with yourself every day and I’m like well which what energy am I bringing to this? Where is my level of responsibility? But you know, there’s also a beautiful thing that happens as women go through this process and it’s something we see, get asked all the time and actually created a special bonus training around it was how um you know when we love people, we want everything to be ok for them and we want to fix all of the things and I mean we can spend a lot of our energy and headspace in there, whereas now it’s like, you know when you when Zeke had to, when he dug his heels in, when he was like, I’m not doing this, you’re like, well no, we are, but I’m also going to allow him to have this, it’s okay for our kids to have big emotions to have resistance to express themselves in the way to not be okay sometimes. You know, tough things happen in the schoolyard in everywhere in life and being able to be centred ourselves in our own bodies, you know, and allows us to hold a space for them and not have to get entangled in it or feel responsible for it in the way that we may be used to, I think that’s something really big that starts to happen for women when they go through ready for, we’re like, oh, okay, so this is me and this is what I can be responsible for and it’s okay for everybody to have their path through life and for us not to feel responsible for fixing all the things, even although you know, especially with kids as young as yours, you know, you are responsible for a lot, but not taking on that, like everything has to be perfect all the time and it’s my responsibility to keep it so vibe |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | 100%, 100% and just allow as I guess going back to myself and my achievement like in terms of just I am a doer and I probably would often push through things and that’s an attitude that can easily be transferred to my kids um and not doing that, not doing that in the circumstances that we’ve been in rather than just letting him have his moment and go okay it’s okay mate. Like, what can I do to help you through this right now? And just giving them, giving him the space has been a massive massive shift for him, he’s now starting to recognize himself, you know what makes him feel good and what helps him calm down you know? So it’s a game-changer. Game changer, |
| Lisa Corduff | game changer, I still my youngest still refuses to take deep breaths. It doesn’t help, |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | he does do that, doesn’t do yet. |
| Lisa Corduff | literally scientifically proven, but I can’t convince you that a deep breath in this moment is going to help, it doesn’t work for me oh do |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | something similar and then I’ll walk away, I’m just gonna give you a few minutes, I’ll come back in just a minute and I’ll be around the corner and then he’ll just be like ah and then I’ll come back and he’s calm down, what do you do? Any deep breaths? NO! |
| Lisa Corduff | So something that we always talk about and that you know we both personally. No, is that you know, stories are also not a set and forget. So for people who haven’t done Ready For Change, what we do is teach you a really, really simple four-step process where you can start to put a question mark over some of the stuff that you’ve been telling yourself and ultimately like what you said before. Carly craft stories, craft these new stories. If we’ve made a lot of stuff up in the past, which we have and we actually want something a little bit different moving forward, then we can get very intentional and conscious to what we are telling ourselves that take us that little bit closer in a very curious, experimental way. Um but it’s never, it’s not like we’re done. That’s why people come back and do the program time and again, because they’re like, what stories are going to come up for me this time? It’s a constant but peeling of layers of an onion, always another layer. So which stories are you sort of working on at the moment? If you feel like sharing. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | I think one of the stories that I originally started in RFC was with my relationship, and it’s always the ones that I come up against today. Um and there’s just things like, you know, if my husband hasn’t, I think I remember a funny little thing I used to get really shitty about, which was him not washing the dishes and I couldn’t let it go just what she did that the story of he’s not doing the dishes that he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t care, doesn’t respect that. I’ve had to do all of the things. So that was just a really simple example of certain stories that come up in relationships. And as um, you know, I have learned of the stories I’m telling myself. I was just asked different questions and started having different conversations with my husband because if I had said to you, you don’t wash the dishes, but does that mean it doesn’t mean you don’t love me? He’s going to say, yeah, you’re being ridiculous because that’s exactly what is happening. And countless of the women that we work with, they often have very similar stories, maybe not as to the degree, |
| Lisa Corduff | That was just a lot of resentment out there. There is, |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | there is, but that’s the power of doing the really simple processes that the resentment that can build up from somebody not doing something. And you’re making it mean, something about you has been insanely fundamental in my relationship and the different stories that come up now as we have deepened certain areas of our relationship. Different stories are coming up there. Um, you know, stories around intimacy and what we want our relationship to look like and how we’re showing our children what a good relationship looks like. So it literally is just peeling those layers back and |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | you know, my husband’s not, he’s not the most emotionally open person and he doesn’t want to come and have all of these deep and meaningful conversations. So it’s you know, where am I, how am I showing up with the energy to help allow him to open? And there’s a lot of softening and changing together. So yeah, lots of stories that come up there, because, you know, there’s a lot of that driving behaviour, that pushing behaviour that I’ve had to work through myself over the years. I can see how those areas have come up in my relationships. So really, you know, stepping back and allowing him to step up has been a really big shift in our relationship. You know, not that I was ever, I could never see myself as the woman who was like, well you’re not doing this right, or when, you know, when he stayed at home with our youngest for a few months, when I went back to work a little bit earlier, you know, I was never that you have to do it this way my way, or it’s not right, But it was interesting to observe how he behaved in that time because he would constantly call me, how do I do this, how do I do that? Which just gave me that? Oh, the over-functioning you mentioned before, I’ve literally been in that pattern for such a long time to be able to step back and allow them to step up has been a huge story in our relationship. You know, we don’t serve the people that we love by doing everything for, |
| Lisa Corduff | oh my goodness and you know, in so many ways I remember hearing that phrase learned helplessness and just thinking, oh my goodness, I have crafted this situation where you know, I can remember when Nick used to pack the nappy bag or something and he’d be like, do you want to just check? |
| Lisa Corduff | And like, I shouldn’t have to check, you should know what goes in there. But like, of course, I was checking all the time and I was also pointing out if you forgot things and it’s like, well if we’re going to be, we have to be responsible for that level of like taking it all on, like, you know, the whole thing about treating people how to treat us and I think what happens is what I see definitely a pattern in terms of relationships, just having worked with so many women over the years, is that something happens in those early years of baby-rearing, baby-making and toddlers and all of that sort of stuff where women just, we do get that into that zone of this is what needs to be done. You know, everyone’s just like needing a little bit of a sleep and um you know, whether your routine or whether you’re not, you’ve got a really good idea of what needs to happen to keep things functioning and then, and then so we take on more than we used to maybe in quite an equal type relationship when everyone, like there, was just two people and they were most likely working and then a baby comes along and that those the gender roles change and it just, it completely changes things. There needs to be some sort of a line in the sand moment where it’s like, okay, this isn’t working anymore, this isn’t working for me. I’m feeling resentful or I’m feeling this, I’m feeling that he’s not doing this blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But there’s something about us coming to that realisation, but something again about being able to bring someone along on that ride in the way that both parties feel like, yeah, this is what we need to do for our family. This isn’t a she’s being the boss of me. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | That’s right. And it’s having those conversations that sometimes aren’t particularly comfortable and feeling like, I mean you are either married or with a partner that you’ve chosen to have children with and you’ve gone down this pathway together and um you know, the stories that we create in our head around who’s doing what and you know, the tip for tap, so to speak conversation is just, you know, it is all bullshit and when you can actually sit down and have a fundamental conversation with the person that you love that they only want the best for you. You only want the best for them, but we create these cycles of the Bs that we, in our head, people sit on conversation and they just don’t say the words for a long time and |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | when they do it’s like I feel so much better and I’ve been seen and I’ve felt like I’ve been heard and then connection, which is what so many of the women that we work with are all after, but we’re just so we like to do and I absolutely do this and I still do this today, but I’m so much quicker. This is why the power of Ready for Change is just so fundamental is when we start to gain the awareness and were able to go, oh I’m sitting in this again, or there’s a bit of hanging around me here, is that true, Is that not like you just start to toy with it and then there’s so much faster at picking things up and able to shift in the moment and it becomes quite a transformational experience, like just your daily life. Um so yeah, there’s lots of lots of bombs that just keep dropping. So um yeah, |
| Lisa Corduff | it’s been amazing to see you um I would say that you’ve been like the journey from a high functioning person and overachiever, it’s actually really, really brave to start to let go a little bit, it’s not something that happens straight away and it’s not something that a lot of people even like there’s a huge amount of resistance because of the story or if I’m not doing this then well then I’m failing because this is me being successful and sometimes um and I think in many ways, I think the whole, you know, the last few years of covid and all that sort of stuff. I do think many of us are rewriting what success looks and feels like, |
| Lisa Corduff0:31:23 – 0:31:47 | don’t you think? Like we’re just, I think as a society we are. But as individuals, I just think it’s actually a really, really, super interesting time to see that I would just be really interested to know how you’re like what you think successes or achievement is these days might have changed. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Um, I would have put success in the bucket of um you know, the house, the money, the um always looking the part back then, mm-hmm. You know, to be successful, married, a beautiful home. You’re financially independent, all of those kinds of things. But those things are still important to me today? I haven’t let them go. But my family life and my relationships are more important. So, how do I want to feel with my children? Do I want to feel tired because I’ve been overworking and overdoing things and do I want them to see that that’s how it, how success looks for them because you know, and there’s still elements like I’ll be working because I work from home, um I am in a corporate role, but I do work from home and I also work for you? So I’m in my office a lot and I will notice that when my 4.5-year-old comes and lets me know, oh mommy, you know, it’s dinnertime, you’re still in the hang on, okay. Like one of the big reasons we wanted to move out of the city was so that I could spend more time with them and I could feel like I wanted more connection. I want to go on bike rides in the afternoon after school and I want to take my kids to the beach and all those types of things. So success now to me looks like more relaxation and more time with them because I can look at the success of the past which I still value, I can actually like the stories, you know, there’s lots of layers again, but the stories of time management and when I needed to show up for work Have also changed. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | And I think the flexibility like naturally that has organically changed in the corporate space, you know, 9-5 show up at your office be seen versus what Covid is really sort of brought into our lives from the aspect of recognizing and juggling all of these different things with kids at homeschooling etcetera, that that mentality has changed a lot too, some of that I’m seeing that come back in, but for the most part, it’s a setting of boundaries and you know the stories that I had around work, I’m now able to create better boundaries for myself so that I can sit down and get my work done and then still create that space for my family that is at a time that works for them, not only my workplace, |
| Lisa Corduff | I love that so much. And isn’t it though, the power of habits and the power of our brains that we actually we moved completely move locations, we can have all the intention in the world of things, feeling and looking and being different and yet we’re like what am I doing still at my computer because we just, we will, we’ll keep doing the same thing over and over unless we consciously change. And I, you know what, like whether it’s your daughter tapping you and going mom and you’re like, oh yeah, my amazing habitual life is trying to keep me doing things the same way even although I don’t have to, so I think allowing that to be a process allowing it to be like this is a relearning and that word allowing took me such a long time to understand, I know it sounds a bit funny but just to let go and allow for that process rather than being hard on yourself, which is a pattern that I fall back into every now and again to like it, I should be doing something or I should have learned that lesson, but it’s like, oh hang on a minute, I know enough and this is why ready for change is so powerful because it talks to you what’s going on in your brain and how that process actually unfolds and how our brain is just there to support those habits and make things easier for us. But some of the things that we’ve created for ourselves just haven’t landed in a way, like so it is that retraining and allowing it to be a process and allowing things to be as they are and just acknowledging this is where I’m at, where I’m at is perfect. Take the next step. |
| Lisa Corduff | Yes, so much judgement, so much. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | I think it’s such a beautiful thing to when you, when you start doing work like this, that you can actually go, oh, oh actually just constantly judging myself and then you realise that all the self-talk is there and just you can start to be so much gentler on yourself and come from a place of compassion and your whole life just starts to you get the ebb and flow, You’re not fighting at it for like has to be perfect, it has to feel this way, it has to be, has to have fantastic. You just get to be part of the natural flow of life and appreciate the goods. Well it’s not good and bad, but just appreciate that things are up and down and in and out and slow and |
| Lisa Corduff | there’s no, there’s no final destination. No, the whole point is to be in it in a present way. And that’s where choices might lie. That’s where we can be self-reflected in the moment. And like life is actually being lived in the present. It’s not about this. Like if I do this, do this, do this, do this, then I’ll have that. I do think that that’s also what the last few years have really been it in a present way. And that’s where choices might lie. That’s where we can be self-reflected in the moment. And like life is actually being lived in the present. It’s not about this. Like if I do this, do this, do this, do this, then I’ll have that. I do think that that’s also what the last few years have really been about for a lot of people to is like, oh, so that like that went down the tube because I thought I was doing all the right things and yet forces outside my control actually have blown that up in smoke. And so what is the point then? The point is every single day how do you feel? |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Yeah, |
| Lisa Corduff | every single day |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | and make the choices, how do, how do I want to feel today? And what do I need to do to help support myself get back? Um Very sounds very simple and we can actually achieve it. It sounds so simple, but we, and we tell ourselves all the time the reasons why it’s not, but it can be if we choose the story. |
| Lisa Corduff | Every day it’s rainbows and unicorns. Like it’s just not about that. It’s not about that. But I think, yeah, the tools when you’ve got them are so powerful to help you in the moment. And that’s what I think I say to people all the time and I don’t think it really lands unless you’ve kind of been in the crew um about even when I did the feel Good Now challenge and that’s a little people can go and buy that, but it’s like, it’s not about life being perfect. It’s actually like right now, like if we keep on waiting if we keep on thinking that there’s, there’s certain things that have to fall into place in order for us to focus on what helps us feel good. You know what lights us up, You know, what could pattern interrupt a whole day for your family. Like yesterday we went out and had waffles for breakfast just because I don’t know, it felt like waffles for breakfast kind of morning because each day we can just be asking ourselves what might, what might feel good. like |
| Lisa Corduff | A simple walk. Just going for a walk for 15 minutes can totally change your day. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | And those things are just to ask yourself on a daily basis, given the state of where things are in the world, not to mention the two years we’ve had with Covid. You know, I can find myself getting overwhelmed at the thought of what’s happening globally and I know that my nervous system starts to struggle and it’s going okay, What do I mean? What is the and the one thing and you see it all the time in the post that I do in our groups is I’m always on the beach and always walking like that is the thing that brings me back to base. So it’s finding those simple things to go, even when you’re in those moments, okay, what do I need to give myself right now? What will feel good for me? That’s the thing. And when we anchor into those things will get back to being you so much faster rather than if I just get this done or if I just do that, then I’ll get to that place of having so much faster. It’s not, it’s in the moment it’s getting and we don’t have that question and it doesn’t need to be a walk on the beach, take your shoes off and stand on the grass and put your face in the sun and just be like this moment right now, taking a deep breath Yeah, |
| Lisa Corduff | right, phoning a friend, that friend that’s been on your mind that you haven’t spoken to for a while picking up the phone, reaching out, connecting. Like I don’t know, I just feel like there’s so many and we have to be, we have to be kind of a little bit ruthless almost in searching for that anchoring in it because it is very easy to get carried away and I think in last week’s episode with Ali Young who’s a chiropractor, you haven’t heard that yet, that will go to their next week, it was such a great episode, she gave such a great explanation about our brains and our stress response and where our nervous systems are at and it just made so much sense for giving this um well it just helped me accept a little bit more, all the people I see around me, how I’m trying to, you know, be okay and you know, not trying to get triggered by all the things that I see, but knowing that like literally paths have been rewired in our brain, that our body remembers, our body is going to our stress response a lot faster than usual. So we really have to actually be actively working towards it at the moment and that it’s okay, it’s you know, we’re going to be okay, but reminding our bodies that were safe doing all those sorts of things, it’s like at the moment it really feels like we’re going back to basics, we have to remember the basics of taking care of ourselves. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Obviously, the trauma that everyone has been through is not the great part, but I think going back to basics is just such a beautiful way to remind ourselves that it doesn’t have to be all big. |
| Lisa Corduff | Yes. Oh yeah, just |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | the simple, like, you know, you’re always about the simple small steps, you know, there’s just simple practices that create a bigger impact than you can realise in the moment, but when you start practising them, you’re like ah this feels so good and just doing those things that do feel good and bring me back to that present moment, you know, it’s just everything |
| Lisa Corduff | Carly, I know that there’s going to be a lot of people who will have resonated with the things that you shared today, so well I mean I think it’s you represent, I mean the reason I wanted to have a conversation with you and why you’re, you know, you bring such a, such a great perspective to the groups is because yeah, I think you represent where a lot of women are at and that is like, I want things for my life, I love achieving, I know I’m capable, I want these things, but I also really care about this stuff over here and I’m constantly trying to figure out how to make all of that work and I love how you navigate it with |
| Lisa Corduff | perspective to the groups is because yeah, I think you represent where a lot of women are at and that is like, I want things for my life, I love achieving, I know I’m capable, I want these things, but I also really care about this stuff over here and I’m constantly trying to figure out how to make all of that work and I love how you navigate it with I mean from seeing you years ago with so much more grace for yourself, um you know, really, and but just to seem as you’ve actually, you’ve really created some massive changes in your life, like you sort of maybe because it’s just happened and it’s in your life and you know, all of that kind of thing, but fundamentally changing the relationship that you have with your children and how you show up for them, you work really, really hard to understand your patterning and conditioning in your marriage and that is changing. You’re like your love, your main love like you are loving in new ways, that’s huge. Um, you have maintained your career, started a new project and business and stepped up in ways like, you know in my communities where you felt scared every time you do something new and you freaking do it and then you’ve moved your family out of Sydney and down to the most divine seaside town ever and completely shifted your lifestyle. I’m sorry, you might have just been like, oh yeah, I guess I’ve done this, I’ve done that, but they are, they are for massive changes |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | and when you put it like that, it does sound really massive, but it has taken a number of years just to get yeah. Um, and it’s and it’s been oh my God, it’s the best because it’s felt you know, and I know exactly what you mean when you said you’ve seen me shift to be in big ways about how I showed up the grace building ease into all of this like I was fighting so hard things and white-knuckling is something we always used to say, you can’t force it all to happen and when I just took my hands off the wheel, that’s when things started to shift and just being open and it’s totally different ways my goodness, Lisa we’ve explored some different areas, haven’t we liked over the years, Moon circles, different modalities. I’ve never, was never in this space had a kinesiology body talk. All of those things that you become exposed to when you’re in a space like this just being open to them has created such an amazing opportunity just to learn more about what feels good to you. |
| Lisa Corduff | I admire your openness and the way that you will go down a path just to see what’s there for yourself. Yeah, it’s awesome and I think that it’s, it’s served you well and now you get to serve other people also, which is a beautiful thing |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | that has been. I mean you gave me an opportunity to step into this space a couple of years ago and I was shipped scared thinking I wasn’t good enough. Why, who am I to be doing this? And just the space of being able to open up and ask questions and be available for other people has absolutely given me such a vibrant way to serve others. Um, it’s given me more than you’ll ever know and that just being able to have conversations with women in the ways that we do and you can see it in paper and they just, the response that we get within the groups is just phenomenal because women are changing their lives. They are becoming leaders in their own lives and leading their families and creating ripple effects all over the place and so many amazing stories that to be a part of that is just like more joy to me than you could ever thank you. |
| Lisa Corduff | Ah let’s just go and have a little cry. But no, I mean I do, it is amazing. It’s a gift for us to get to witness their evolution and so it’s fun to be in it with you. So, thank you Carly Tyquin-Lovering for sharing on the podcast. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Thank you so |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | much for having me. Thanks |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | for relaying it. Mirroring back to me. |
| Lisa Corduff | Well, sometimes I’m like, can we also, because we’re always in our own stuff and we can’t sometimes see it. Sometimes we do need to point out that there’s been some pretty big things and we should also and it’s celebrating |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve gotten so much better at celebrating myself, but when somebody else mirrors it at you, like, there were actually some things in there. |
| Lisa Corduff | Absolutely was a bloody legend. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Well, the feeling is mutual. |
| Lisa Corduff | Thanks Carly. |
| Carly Tyquin-Lovering | Thanks Lisa. Much love |
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