CwL Ep91: An Uncomfortable Truth

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Have you ever wanted to do things differently? Create a different outcome? Get a different result?
But you don’t feel like you’re in a position to change anything?
In this episode Lisa outlines five ways you can get yourself into the right energy to draw a line in the sand and start afresh.
Because it’s unfortunately true that getting different results is going to require a change and when you feel uninspired, fatigued, defeated it can be hard to get in the zone.
Follow Lisa’s steps and feel the benefits!

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Prefer to read? Access the transcript here

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life. And if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you’re here. Enjoy.

Hey, wow. We’re really into February now. And I’m recording this at the very end of the first week back at school and just power on to parents and to kids for starting the school year again. If you did, and in whatever capacity you did, well done to you. Just a shout out to the parents navigating kids who are having to do things a little bit differently in 2022. I am right there with you.

I am recording this podcast today about a slightly uncomfortable truth. And I might just give of a reminder at the top of this episode, to anyone who is interested in the free workshop that I’m holding tomorrow. I’m jumping online, we’re going to spend an hour together. This is specifically for the women who follow me, who are in their own businesses, who are coaches or consultants, experts, all those sorts of things. Other people who run online courses, whatever.

If you’ve kind of been like, “Okay, now it’s time to get the year started,” but feeling maybe a little bit apprehensive about making big plans or really going for stuff after what the last few years has done to us. So that’s happening tomorrow, the 9th. Well, this will be released on the 8th. So it’s happening on the 9th. Make sure you get booked in for that. It’s going to be really valuable. And if you are interested, I’m actually opening up a 90-minute coaching session afterwards. Well, I’ll go and have some lunch and take a break an hour later. We’re jumping back on and there’s a group of women who want to ask their questions about their business, get my brain on their staff, move through any blocks. It’s a chance to just have a group coaching call with me. So there is that opportunity there too. Now that that’s being said, you can go to the link in the bio, if you haven’t booked in yet.

I want us to talk about this very uncomfortable truth, and I see this play out time and time and time again. And I’ve had personal experience of it the last little while. Actually I’ve been thinking a lot about when you want something to shift, but you almost don’t feel like you are at the point where you can make it happen. It’s like, how do you draw a line in the sand? And you know I’m always thinking about ways to share things in a really, really practical I can do it way.

So in this episode, I’m going to be talking about this specific issue and then giving you five different things that when I look back, these are always the things that I do when I’m getting into the zone of drawing a line in the sand, because what I realised going through COVID and those lockdowns was, there was so much that felt unavailable to me during that time. And the first point speaks directly to this, but I tried to incorporate it in little ways anyway, but it was just tough. Is that it felt like I knew things were off track. My energy was okay, but the end it definitely wasn’t. It was definitely wearing me down, but I wasn’t even in the space where I could properly give a shit about changing it. I was just kind of like, “Can we just get to the end of this year?”

And so I do just want to flag that it’s totally okay when you are in that. I had to give myself a lot of grace. In fact, probably the last two and a half years since Nick passed away or even before that when we separated, but especially since his death, it has been a lot to process. It’s been far more consuming than I probably when I was really in it could even see for myself.

And so there are these seasons where we’re like, “Actually I just have to be in this and walk this,” but then there becomes a point where we’re like, “Far out, it’s time.” Like it really is time for something. And this is a big part of what I’m speaking about in the workshop too, is we need to, if you are someone who runs your own thing… And this is kind of everyone, because one of the examples that I’m going to be giving you includes something that I’m doing in my house. I’m the leader of this house, I’m the boss. And we have to see that if we want things to change in our lives, then we actually need to change. That’s the uncomfortable truth. The change is going to require something different from us.

When I was in that very last lockdown lull, I didn’t feel able to bring something different. I really didn’t. And it wasn’t the conversation that I was having in my head, the conversation I was having in my head, which was fine, but also unhelpful if I was wanting to things to be different was, “I just need to get through this.” And it’s okay to have those moments, but then there’s times when you’re like, “No, actually the status quo, that’s not where I’m at anymore. I really, really want to move things.”

So the good thing is that even although change is going to require something different from us and it’s that small things can make a really, really big difference. The bad thing is, is that there’ll be a level of discomfort. It’s going to actually require some work. And really, I’m sure you can think of times for yourself or amongst people you know, where people just stay stuck, repeating the same patterns over and over. And obviously this is what we go through in ready for change and have a whole process to help you if you are in that spot of just repeating patterns.

But today I want to talk to you about when you’ve decided that you want something to change, what is the process to get you there? And I know many of you might have made some new year’s resolutions. You might be saying things about what you want 2022 to be. So when we do that, for me, I would really like 2022 to be a year where I stop stalling some decisions. So I’m working on brain-based habits around getting clarity, getting clear, and I’m sharing some of those tomorrow in the workshop. And then what I had to do was sit with that and really start to get aligned to it. And sometimes when I start talking like that, people are like, “Yes, how? What does that actually mean?” I’m going to step you through that now, because what got me into the state of knowing it was time to draw a line in the sand and that it was actually going to be possible, and that I can feel momentum happening for me, and that these things that I saying I want, are actually starting to eventuate due to these five things.

The first thing, and I hope this is making sense about what I’m talking about in terms of we can be often away and we can be feeling big changes. You can have things in your external world change. For example, maybe some of you are sending kids to school for the first time. Maybe you now have a high schooler. Maybe you have moved and it’s new, everything for everyone. Maybe you don’t have any kids at school anymore. Maybe you are just like, “I wish my kids were at school. I’m still in the early years of parenting.” And maybe this is a phase that’s past for you.

Either way, you know what I mean when I say we can sometimes be moved into a new rhythm or routine or new habits by things outside of us and our circumstances. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about when things are feeling a little bit shit, or you are not feeling in alignment with what it is you are saying you want, how do you get into a space where you’ve drawn a line in the sand and suddenly you are away? You are actually now like, “That’s that. I want to do things differently now.” How does that work?

The first thing, one of the easiest ways for that to happen for me, and this is why I struggled so much in lockdown and there’s all sorts of reasons, like scientific reasons why our brains love when we change environments. We literally put ourselves in different places and it just, there is a huge knock-on effect to that. So it’s why people go for walks. It’s why holidays feel so amazing because suddenly things are just dropping in or you’re getting a little bit more perspective on stuff. It’s why just even getting on a plane and being nowhere is so amazing. That stimulus, that taking us back into our bodies when we’re in new places. But it might be a special place that you’ve got where you know. You go and sit there, or you go and walk there or whatever it is, and you feel more peaceful. You feel calm, you feel like you can get a little bit clearer and connected to yourself. That’s really the core of it.

Changing environments, I find for me, the conversation changes in my head. I’m in a different type of relationship with myself. And often it’s a lot more honest and it has a lot more perspective on what’s happening in my usual environments. So change up your environment. Really, really helpful when you are getting into that zone of like, “Yep, something needs to shift.” And it might be that you don’t know what it is, or it might be that do you know what needs to shift, but you can’t hear yourself when you’re just doing the same thing day in, day out, day in, day out. Switch things up a bit. Like walk a different way to the train station or just something like that. It is truly extraordinary what can happen.

The second thing is that it’s really, really powerful to declare it. So declare what it is that you want and what will be changing, but don’t do it once. Declare it over and over and over again, get sick of yourself saying it, get sick of the people around you hearing it, which is actually the next step two, which is tell people.

When we are declaring something to ourselves, it’s really, really powerful to… I mean, our brain just loves, loves, loves, and requires repetition. So it also loves to see it. So not just hear it, but see it. This is why people declare things, journal, write stuff down. I have a sign on my cupboard door that I walk past every single day. And it is just helping my brain see, this is what we’re going for. This is where we’re at. This is who we are now. And those words were found for me and they stuck out and I thought, “I don’t want to forget them.” I know I forget a lot. I mean, I don’t know what’s happening, but I didn’t want to forget it. And so I put it somewhere where literally walk past it. I’m actually looking over right now at these words.

Declare it. And then what will happen is, it will become your default. You’ll have drawn a line in the sand just by declaring it to yourself. Repeating it over and over and over makes it a new sort of mental habit. And then when you tell people, when you start to say like, “This is where I’m going with things, this is what’s happening this year, or this is a change that I’m making,” then there is something… I think that words, and we talk about this in the Live the Change Programme, our words, they create our reality. They’re out there in the world. They exist. There’s a sound vibration to them. Something happens when we start speaking it. And so it’s really important for us to be surrounded by people who are like, “Hey, yeah, go for it.” “Hey, I can really see that for you.” “Hey, yeah, you are ready.” “Hey, is it anything that I can do to help you with this?”

They’re also the people who might be like, “Hey,” tap, tap on the shoulder, “remember how you said blah, blah? How’s that going?” We need a support crew. We don’t need doubters. We just need people who are like, “You can totally do this. I got you back.” We should be so lucky to be surrounded by people who feel like that about us. Seek those people out. They really, really matter.

So change your environment. Super, super, super powerful. You’ve declared what you want to yourself. And this can be some goal. I mean, I’m less interested in the goals. I think that they are important to have as a lighthouse, but this is more about like who I’m being for this, what I want. It might be one of your values. It might be a weight that you’ll be feeling, whatever it is. And then you just declare it over and over and over to yourself. You find ways to write it down. You put it on your fridge, you put it on your screen saver. You do whatever you can, so your beautiful brain that just needs to create this new pattern instead of the old patterns, jumps on board and is along for the ride with you. And then when you declare it to other people and those people are your support crew, suddenly it becomes even more real. You are suddenly then a little bit more accountable for what it is that you are saying you want. And that’s so important.

The fourth thing then is that… I don’t know if it’ll sound weird, but start looking for proof everywhere. That what it is that you are saying you want is actually happening in real time. This is an amazing way for your brain to get the reinforcement. It’s also a way to just anchor in that the line in the sand has been drawn. Like we’re on the other side of the line being drawn. So look for proof. I love at the end of the day, just doing a little bit of a recollection of the day and just thinking, “Oh yeah, in that moment, I was really in that.” Or recognising it as it’s happening. “See, I’m like this, because this is what I said I wanted.” Or, “Yeah, I just made that decision because I said that I wanted to move through decision making with ease in 2022.” Or whatever it is that you’re saying you want. You start looking for proof everywhere. It’s a really, really powerful thing to do, and I absolutely love this.

This is the thing. When we understand also the power of our subconscious mind and that so much is happening under the surface, what we usually have is this, the whole negativity bias thing. Like we look for ways that we’re failing. That’s the way that we normally go at stuff. Like, “I said I wanted to change and here I am back repeating the old patterns.” And it’s like, well, that is completely unhelpful, completely unhelpful. So it’s more starting to train your brain to look for proof that things are changing in the smallest moments. It will be there if you’re doing all of these other things. It will absolutely be there. And then suddenly your default position is to seek out all of the beautiful ways in which you are transforming instead of staying stuck. And can you see how much more powerful that will be at a stage in your life when you’re drawing a line in the sand under some stuff? Start seeking out proof that it’s happening.

And the last thing is to back up the declaration with a simple action, and like a simple repeatable change to your daily habits. And don’t make it hard, make it feel expansive and exciting. It doesn’t even have to do specifically with what it is that you’re saying you want. You might have a career goal or a business goal or something that you want to achieve in that space, but the change that you make to your daily routine might be something that you are doing around the home or a shift up to your movement routine. But either way, it is really powerful to build in some new habits. And I know so many people are like, “I know what I should do. I should meditate every day and that will be good.” But don’t give yourself every day, just really, really start small with this stuff.

The example, for me, that I’ve started to do this year with the kids going back to school, I was like, I could just keep going with the way things are going. It’s not bad. We have actually very calm mornings. Everyone gets out the door on time. We don’t have the TV or we don’t have any screens on in the morning. It’s actually a lovely time to connect and everyone’s just doing their thing, but something needs to change here and I think what I’m looking for is for increasing independence of my children. And I’m always looking for ways in which to empower them to do more around the house and to take more responsibility for themselves in the world, knowing that my son will be in high school next year.

And so something that I have implemented and experimented with. I mean, I don’t hold myself to like, “This is what we’re doing. If it doesn’t work, I’m a failure.” It’s nothing like that. It was like, maybe we should try something different around getting them to prepare their lunches. And what this would help me with is I can actually get a few other bits and pieces done in the morning, get some washing out on the line, or… I’m building up to hopefully being able to go for some morning walks sometimes. So imagine they were just getting about their business and this might be a really cool idea.

So knowing what I know about habits, it’s not just throwing them in the deep end. I put out stuff, like I prepare, I cut up the veggies. There’s usually always something for leftovers the night before. And then what I’ve done is just popped out all the things that I’d like them to eat, all the things that would normally go in their lunch boxes, plus some different stuff to just see how they go with it. And I put that out on the kitchen table and then they pack themselves. So there’s been a lot of question asking, “Can I have two of these? Can I have…” And I’ve just really let them go just saying, “Whatever you pack, I expect you to eat.”

All of the stuff is stuff I want them to eat anyway, but the night before I’ll boil some eggs or do those sorts of things so that in the morning, all I have to do is just lay the stuff out and they just pack away. And it has worked a treat and it’s this new… They actually love it. It’s had actually very surprising benefits in terms of they’ll come home and go, “Oh, I didn’t finish my cucumber. So I’ll eat that for afternoon tea.” Whereas when it was me packing stuff, “I don’t like this. I didn’t want it. It was too much.” Whereas because they’re taking ownership of it, then they’ve got to eat it.

And then also building in them taking out their containers and putting them in the dishwasher straight away. It’s just amazing to see them stepping up and following this new direction, of course, with reminders in the beginning, because we all need that. As adults, we need that. Like new habits, we have to really remind ourselves until they become just what we do. But what it has helped me with is go, “Ah, see, this is because this year I want things to feel clearer.” So preparing the night before, laying things out, doing things in a new way is proving to me that things can change. That I am changing. I’m capable of change and doing things differently. That there’s so many more ways to bring in ease in my life. And this is one of them. And it’s like, “High fives. Well done, Lisa. Let’s keep this good vibe going.”

That’s what you really need to do when it comes to that drawing a line in the sand. You’re looking for proof everywhere, but then you are also choosing to actively bring in a new habit, daily habit that is showing you the change in action. And there’s a confidence in ourselves to then build on that, that comes when we create a small shift and we follow through on it. It’s just like, “Well, if I was capable of that, then surely I’m capable of that.”

Those steps again were to change your environment, to declare it to yourself, to then share it with people, the right people, people who are going to see you in the highest version of yourself, then you’re going to look for proof everywhere. Just reinforce it throughout the day, “Oh yeah. Yeah. There’s that. There’s me doing that. There’s me being that.” And then back in the declaration with a daily habit that shows things are changing.

It’s so important to work with our brains when we do this, and that’s why I love talking about this. It’s why I’ve always loved teaching behaviour change in a different way, because so much more is possible for ourselves. But the point of this episode was that the uncomfortable truth is that it’s going to require something different from you. And it’s okay if you’re in a season where you just can’t bring that to the table. It’s okay. I’ve been there. I know. But if you are, if you’re ready to draw a line in the sand, if you’re ready for something to shift and you don’t quite know how to facilitate that within yourself, then I really encourage you to follow those steps and see what ends up happening.

Of course, I love hearing your feedback. I love also when you share these podcast episodes if they’ve been helpful to you. And then tag me so that other people who are feeling sort of similar at this start of 2022, where it really does feel like we need to get back into action. And we’ve learned so many lessons about ourselves the last few years, such a juicy time to get the wheels turning, but it can also feel exhausting and hard. So hopefully this helps. I can’t wait to see those of you who are joining us tomorrow. I’m really excited about what we’re sharing and I just know you’re going to feel totally pumped by the end of that hour. And for the people who are going to jam in the coaching session, I really can’t wait to get to know you and see you there. Make sure you check out the link in the bio. If you are interested in doing that, don’t miss it. These times are super fun. And I’ll see you next week.

Hey, where are my fellow business owners? Are you struggling to get into the swing of things in 2022? Are you afraid to really go for your big dreams? Are you thinking that the rug might be pulled for under you again in 2022, if you are struggling with all of this? And you have big goals and plans that you would love to see to fruition in 2022? Then come along to a free workshop that I’m holding on the 9th of February. All the details can be found in the show notes. It’s totally free to register, but I’m also holding a coaching call afterwards. If you are someone who wants to dive deeper with me on your questions on your business, if there’s questions that you want to ask me and my team, then there is a small fee to join us for that, but I know you’ll find it crazy valuable and I would love to see you. Go ahead and sign up the workshop. It’s coming very soon.

Hey, if you are enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world to me if you head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review. It really makes a difference and it’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversation that really change the game as possible. Thanks so much for your help and I’ll see you in the next episode.

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About Lisa

"I’m here to help you break free from the stories holding you back, and create change that sticks"

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