CwL Ep86: Pleasure and Play

Welcome to the summer series of the Conversations with Lisa Podcast. Join me each week for simple, actionable things that you can do over the summer break to reboot and reactivate yourself after what was 2021.

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When the world feels serious… When you feel heavy… When the job never feels done… you can counteract that by incorporating more pleasure and play into your life.It changes things, instantly.

In this episode Lisa shares about one of her favourite topics – how our feminine and masculine energies work. This isn’t a discussion about ‘male and female’. It’s a discussion about the different forces that exist inside us and how so many women exist purely in their masculine, just getting the job DONE.

But our feminine is begging for our attention. She’s begging to be playful and pleasure focused. You will shift your energy this January if you invite it in. And if you’ve lost touch with that side of yourself – you’re not alone!


Lisa guides you through powerful questions to ask yourself. Don’t forget that you can record your answers in the free Workbook.

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Prefer to read? Access the transcript here

Welcome to the summer series of the Conversations with Lisa podcast. I am going to be bringing you really simple, actionable things that you can do over this summer break for us in the Southern Hemisphere, for you guys, your winter break to reboot and reactivate yourself after what was 2021. These simple exercises will help you get focused on you, what you want, what matters to you and ways in which we can start moving towards that. I am not sure about you, but there’s things I want to get done in 2022. And I know that me releasing what was creating some space and getting intentional around what I want is going to make all the difference. So enjoy these episodes, make sure to record everything in your workbook and let’s bring on a new year.

Hey, welcome to this next step in our summer series to reboot and reactivate. Goodness me, 2021 was a year, and now here we are in 2022. I love today’s steps so much. I don’t have favourites, but if I did, this might come kind of high on the list. That’s because I think, traditionally, well, I’ve had to practice this stuff. I’ve had to get in the zone of it. I think so many of us live our lives with so much structure and discipline and high standards and we attempt to find the right path, the right response. We’re filled with obligations towards other people. We take it seriously, life.

What today’s step is all about, it’s a big part of how I can literally reboot and reactivate daily, and that’s incorporating play and pleasure into my life. Now, you might be listening to this, especially if you’re in the Southern hemisphere on a bit of a break from the normal rhythm of life, if you’ve got holidays or if you have children who are on holidays or whatever it is, and this offers this opportunity to be a bit more playful, a bit lighter. But do we even take it? Or do we come at even these experiences with the same level of needing to be productive and have an output and have everything be for something? What about if it was just like pleasure for pleasure’s sake or play because it just feels really good?

I mean, when was the last time you even asked yourself the question like what brings me pleasure? The beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing about life is that as we change, as seasons change, as our children grow, as even where we live changes or how we work changes, that these questions evolve, the answers to these questions evolve over time. So what might feel really lighthearted and playful for you 10 years ago might just feel like, oh no, that doesn’t bring me joy right now. This does. Unless we’re constantly checking in with ourselves, we’re not reconnecting to that part of ourselves.

Let me tell you why I found this really, really important. Incorporating this stuff and asking myself the questions that I asked you in the workbook, go and download it if you haven’t already, why I have found this to be so transformative is that as a solo parent and as the CEO of a business, a lot of the time I am doing. There’s things that need to be done and I need to activate what a lot of people call the masculine energy within us, which is all about… It’s not to do with male energy, and so masculine and feminine, not male and female, just these two different energies that are often described in the masculine and feminine, and masculine is all about, well, it’s like a penetrating energy. It moves forward. It gets things done. Its goal at the end is nothingness. It wants to achieve something and then tap out.

So I think about, especially the early years of having young children, toddlers and babies, and you wake up and you’re just kind of on and the day has already… There’s things that need to happen. There is an output. We are so in our masculine in that stage of life, in many ways, or I was. I lacked a rhythm and routine to our days when I got to the end of them, I was done. I was like, “Okay, that’s that. Day over.” You hear so many mums of young kids just saying, “I’m just touched out. I’m tapped out. I’m maxed out. I’m whatever I am,” because they’ve used this amazing masculine energy in them to get through and achieve a day, and then it’s like then it’s done.

You might see this in your children or your partner when they’ve activated this masculine energy. I mean, when we get in the zone with our work, we don’t want to be distracted from it. We are just in it and we’re focused and then we are done and the reward at the end is just like it’s nothing. It’s sitting on the couch, just blissed out. It might be watching some mindless TV, whatever it is. But it’s just like it requires nothing of you is the goal of the masculine. I think many of us operate in that state a lot of the time. Society rewards us when we’re in our masculine.

A lot of the questions that we ask ourselves just by default are… Our inability to rest, our inability to just switch off comes from this, but what could I be doing? What more could I be doing? I can’t rest until this and this and this is done. We have to actively help ourselves move out of that. The people like Julie Tanner who’s just extraordinary and her beautiful book Flowers and Honey is great at helping you explore more about the feminine and masculine, but there’s amazing teachers out there on this stuff. I’m certainly no expert, but I’m applying it to my life.

If the masculine energy is penetrating and productive and forward and get the job done, the feminine is this open vessel where more is more is more is more, where the more open we are, the more playful, the more pleasure filled, pleasure-seeking we are, the more capacity we have to take things on. We don’t want to switch off when we’ve activated our feminine. We actually have this sort of endless supply. Here’s the thing, a really, really important aspect of the feminine is to also be in receiving mode.

We have to be open to enjoy things, to receive gifts, receive pleasure, to be this arms open, heart open, legs open portal for pleasure. When we are, so much changes, and yet it’s not something we sit and talk about. So when you’re feeling depleted, and by the end of 2021, so many of us who experienced those extended lockdowns, who were just like there is the masculine, like the masculine in us who was like, “This is a mission we are on.” However you’ve experienced the past two years, the masculine struggles to not know that there is an end insight.

Because the masculine wants a job done and we’re all kind of trying to get this job of dealing with restrictions and dealing with uncertainty, getting kids through home learning, or changing our work arrangements and all of those sorts of things, and we desperately just kind of want this end and there’s no end. We’ve realised now, well, maybe those of us in Melbourne are like, “Oh, okay.” So we never kind of get that and we’re done here feeling with this pandemic. None of us have that feeling.

Lisa:

The counter to that is like, well, right. This is why I talked about lockdown of fun, because it was like, well, how can I just invite that feminine flow, invite that aspect of me that amongst all this can still experience pleasure, can still feel light and playful, and jeepers creepers, I mean, I tried and I would keep reminding myself and trying to bring myself back to it. But by the end, I mean, there wasn’t just… There was just nothing of anything happening. But it was a beautiful reminder to me that, I mean, things did flow better in my house.

Things do flow better in my work, in my relationship, in my friendships when I, as Lisa, am choosing to activate that feminine side. The easiest way is answering the questions that I’ve given you in the workbook for this particular step. I mean, what does bring you pleasure? What feels playful to you? If you’re like, “What are you talking about, Lisa?” Then isn’t that just the most beautiful invitatation to you to explore this part of you? We all have it.

We weren’t put on this precious earth as human beings to just trudge. With all of the privilege that so many of us have, how about we just kind of recognise it, activate a part of us that allows us to take more pleasure than we thought possible, because what happens to us when we do is we’re activated into higher levels of ourselves and high levels of service for other people. So I think about this, if you are someone who also runs a business, I would also like you, as I’ve said, to look at these questions for you personally and also for your business.

I think about my business and my work in quite a masculine way. There needs to be structures. There needs to be work getting done. There needs to be systems, all very masculine. But once that’s there, once the structure is there, then we bring the play, then we get to experience the pleasure of it, because we need both energies, right, within ourselves, within our relationships, within our businesses. How are you bringing play to your work? How are you bringing play to your relationship if your walls are up, if you are constantly in your masculine? I mean, literally so many of us women, there is a requirement for polarity to create desire.

If we’re both bringing this masculine go, go, go, do, do, do, achieve, achieve, achieve, if both people are bringing that in a relationship, well, that can sometimes lead to someone’s masculine collapsing because they’re like, “Well, I’ll just let you do this,” because the masculine likes to lead. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I mean, I was operating in this way in my marriage all the time and it’s such a gift to the masculine to have the feminine flow, to be open, to pull the walls down, to be playful. I want to create a life that allows me to play amongst it all, to fill up on pleasure, and whether I’m in a relationship or not in a relationship.

It’s not just sexual pleasure. It’s like being in the garden, not to get a job done but to just be in the garden getting the soil under our nails or smelling the delicious smell of my gardening gloves that I got for my birthday and just being in the sunshine and in the weeds and just seeing things grow. That’s the chance that we get when we’re in our feminine to just be in it and amongst it and experience the pleasure of it. It’s so delicious. We miss it because we’re so used to operating from that masculine energy of I… The point is to get the job done.

What if the point was to play? What if the point was to soak up all the delicious pleasure that so much of our life offers us and we miss? What if I was open in this situation? What if there wasn’t something to solve here? What if the healing comes from just lowering it all down, just dropping it and just listening and just opening and exploring instead of fixing? So much opportunity for us. Can you see how just even maybe hearing these words, it might even actually be triggering to you? I know for me, it’s not like I… I love my masculine. My masculine helps me, I mean, run this house, get my kids out the door, make decisions. It helps me in so many ways. I couldn’t be without it.

But when I started to understand that we are both these energies, and because of our conditioning, most of us don’t even know that there’s this other way of being that just invites so much more juiciness into our lives in all areas. Literally, in all areas and it’s something that each and every one of us can do. I’ve just given you some very simple questions in the workbook to explore this week, because I don’t think we think about this enough. We don’t focus our attention on it and you don’t even need to fully understand the masculine, the feminine and all that sort of stuff in order to just get started with like, hang on a minute, what does actually make me feel good?

Hang on. If 2022 is going to feel really great, what’s that all about? How can I get to know myself more? How can I open up new avenues of pleasure and play in my life? What might that look and feel like? Can you see how it’s just like a really freaking cool question to ask yourself? If you are on in holiday mode right now, what a beautiful time to just really sit and explore. Once again, I’ll say it again, you’ll be able to come up with some really off the of your head answers. But we want to go deeper than that.

Remember, just ask yourself that question five more times. See what comes through, just see. Take pleasure in the act of filling out this workbook. Take pleasure in just gifting yourself being a part of this process with me over the summer. Can you tag me? Tag me in photos that you put on your social media where you’re being playful or experiencing pleasure in ways that matter to you. Remember, it doesn’t have to mean anything to anybody else. I experience pleasure peeling apples, and then reducing them down to make an apple crumble. That process of softening apples, it’s very pleasurable to me.

I know some people are like, “Why would you make them soft? It has to be crispy.” My pleasure is a crispy apple crumble and mine is a nice, soft apple crumble. I mean, it can be as simple as that. It can be as simple as putting on the sexy underwear. Who cares if anybody’s going to see it? Just be your good self in your sexy knickers. Do it. Do it. What feels pleasurable to you?

Ah, the world is our oyster with this stuff and we just are so in the go, go, go that we don’t stop to explore it. This is your chance to explore it. I am so glad that you are here and with me as we kind of… Can you see the rebooting from this? Can you feel the reactivating? Can you see that sometimes it’s as simple as asking yourself more interesting questions and just creating space for this side of you to be explored? I can’t wait to see you next week. Bye.

I’m not too sure about you, but for me, my energy is everything. I can be a better mom, a better friend, a better partner, a better sister, a better CEO when my energy is high. And there’s so many reasons why us women have normalised feeling really tired and depleted. When I start to feel like this, there’s 10 things that I start to ask myself. I’ve put them together in a free downloadable for you so that you can get on top of your energy for 2022. We don’t have to feel tired all the time, it’s actually not normal to feel that way. I know that 2021 took it out of so many of us. So I want you to know that you can go right ahead and click on the link in the show notes and get taken to my 10 questions that I ask myself, and I encourage you to ask yourself if your energy is low. Let’s get vibing higher in 2022. Check out the link now.

Hey, if you are enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world to me if you head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review, it really makes a difference. It’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversations that really change the game as possible. Thanks so much for your help. I’ll see you in the next episode.

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"I’m here to help you break free from the stories holding you back, and create change that sticks"

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