CwL Ep75: Let’s Talk Ageing

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring, raw, energising and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life. And if you are, too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you’re here. Enjoy.

Oh, hey. Oh, it’s a good week. It’s a good week when it’s birthday week. Now I’m recording this episode the day before my birthday but you’ll be listening to this episode the week after my birthday. So I’m just going to say a thank you. If I post on social media that it’s my birthday and you said happy birthday, thank you. All the juicy feels from you and you know, let’s talk about ageing. Let us talk about ageing because, I don’t know, I got a few things to say in this episode and it might be a little bit of a micro here, there and everywhere. You should see the page of notes that I have. It is not an organised page of notes. It’s like a bubble around this dot point there.

So just bear with me. Yeah, I’m recording this still in lockdown and it’s school holidays. So it might be a reflection of me just trying to take this moment of quiet in the house to get it done. Perfectly imperfect action all the way. So okay, can we start with the fact that, I wonder if you’ve seen this in your Facebook feed? But it was one of those suggested articles, because I most certainly don’t follow Vogue, but it came up in my feed as this picture of Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz. Have you seen it? And Drew’s just got her head on Cameron’s shoulder and it looks like just a cosy best friend peak.

And the title was something like why this photo is causing a stir online. Sorry, I was like, “I’m an investigator, I’ll figure out what’s up with this photo.” And I literally couldn’t work it out. I was looking at these like, “They look happy, is it where they are? Now I can’t really see a background. Is someone pregnant? No, because you can’t even see their bellies. What’s happening here? Why is this photo causing a stir?” So like all good clickbait I clicked on it and I read the article and it was all about how it was being celebrated because you could see the lines on their faces.

So I zoomed in, of course, I did. And I thought, “Oh yeah, you can see the rinks around their eyes.” That’s nice but is it like doing it … Hang on. Where are we at here with this, people? Where are we at? Oh, we’ve all got such different ideas in our head about ageing. And I was thinking about why so many women are getting invested in this, in Hollywood movie stars, letting themselves age. In this article, there was a picture of why we’re loving Sarah Jessica Parker. Now these women can do whatever they want with their faces.

This is much more about what women themselves are craving and the conversation that women are having in their minds about themselves. Not about these women we see on screens with all the access to all the people, to make them look all the ways, right. And it was same with Andie MacDowell. Did you see those images of at Cannes with her wondrous hair that is going grey? And she just looked majestic. I don’t know, there was something just amazing about the whole thing. But it’s like, it causes a stir because we’ve totally normalised anti-ageing, we’ve coined a term.

We know, men can age gracefully. Women, it’s disgraceful when we age. And then it seeps into all sorts of areas of our lives. I mean, what did you used to think about being 40 or 50 or 60? I mean, even 30? When I arrived there, I was like, Hmm, it’s unusual. I thought you’d have to have a family by the time you were 30, I probably thought in my teens. We only know what we’ve been shown, right? Like what the norm is. And the same goes at 40. I was like, “This is not 40. I feel 27.” Yeah, still at 42, I’m like, “Okay, so I don’t feel like I’m in my 20’s anymore, which I love.” I love that I feel older. I want to ground myself in my years, honour them. I still feel youthful but was there some way we were meant to feel at these ages?

If I value evolving, I have to value ageing. And I’m on a mission to strip away all of the stories that I have been conditioned to think, that I’ve been indoctrinated into, that I’ve gathered for myself over the years about what ageing has to mean. I want to strip that all back because I get to choose the path here. When you lose someone young … Nick was 40, when he died. He never even made it to 42. What are we doing, if we’re just talking about age as a demise. Always scared of ageing, we shouldn’t be scared of ageing. We should, I mean, I am trusting in whenever it’s my time, it’s my time. But I’m sure as heck grateful, every time a birthday rolls around. Another year of adventures, another year of lessons, another year of loving and being loved.

I mean, what conversations are you having in your head about age and ageing and hey, none of them are wrong. It’s what you’ve collected. It’s what you might’ve witnessed. You might’ve seen people suffer as they were getting older, you might’ve experienced or witnessed a parent be left by another parent. And so, spend the rest of their days feeling lonely. And so what’s there to look forward to? Look, this is why it’s so important we understand that our subconscious stores all of the things, all of the things. And the things that you put on repeat in your brain, things that really mattered to you, that formed a little thought pattern pops up into your conscious mind. Those things are ruling your life.

When we don’t stop to shine a light on those things … Question, hang on. Why would I be celebrating Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore for taking a photo? They looked stunning. PS beautiful makeup and hair and just feeling cosy and besties like and delicious. Why would I be celebrating that? Oh, it’s because I don’t think it’s okay to have those lines. It’s because for some reason, my subconscious thinks it’s brave for women to age naturally. Think about all the messages we get as women, all the freaking time. About why it’s not okay to look your age and we are complicit to it, we buy in.

We buy in because we talk to ourselves in a way that confirms they’re right. And it’s like an act of rebellion when we stick our finger up, which is what we see these women doing and saying, “Hey, I’m not going to. I don’t know how the norm became the norm but I’m not for that norm anymore. I’m actually going this way.” And more and more, when we see women standing in their own power refusing to bend, refusing to change, you’re on the outside to reflect something that society wants to see. Then, I mean, it just gives permission for more of us to do it, right? And now, I mean, this is not to say, I love myself a little bit of fake tan, I must say, in the summer months.

I love makeup. I love the active taking care of my skin now. As a person who literally, for probably about 25 years, probably more, probably more, washed her face with soap. I don’t think I actually started to properly use proper things on my skin. A look I don’t even know, kind of recently, compared to what many other people do. I just paid no attention. I loved makeup. Makeup is like one of the few creative pursuits I actually really enjoy. I keep it pretty plain these days. I got really good at learning how to do my own eye makeup and all of that sort of stuff. Anyway, I don’t know how I got onto that.

Here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. We all have choices, right? I have a choice about how I approach ageing, how I talk to myself about ageing. I have a choice to break the cycle for myself and for my children about what age has to mean. And it’s why on birthdays, without a doubt over the years, the last eight years of working with women and holding communities for those women … I remember lots in the Small Steps Membership, these women who were on a mission, they were really committed to changing the food that their family was eating.

They were really just making these small, consistent changes to their lifestyle. And it was empowering to them, it was really amazing to watch. And then there would be always something that could derail them. And that would be the disappointment that would come when people who they loved and they felt they were helping to take care of and create lovely meals for, or a special home for or whatever it was, just paid them no attention on their birthday. Or just, they had an expectation. They had an attachment to what they wanted their birthday to be like and, no cigar.

And I think the thing that I have learned over the years, especially with Nick, who look, I mean, tried with presents. But honestly, there would be times when I picked up presents in the morning and just thought, “In what Universe was that a [inaudible 00:13:41]?” Or, “Oh my gosh, he put a lot of thought and effort into this and wow, yeah, that happened.” He just wasn’t that great at presents but he tried. But I just had to lose attachment to the fact that I’d get something that I really wanted, unless I explicitly asked for it. These women would just get too really, really disappointed.

And so their birthdays would be ruined because the people around them weren’t loving them or celebrating them in a way that mattered to them. And here’s where I’m at. Here is where I am at these days. I think all the time that my kids, all our kids, they’re just watching us, right? We, are creating what they would consider normal. Their interpretation of the world is based on what they see around them. And so, the way that I come to my birthdays now, the way that I am changing language around ageing is to show up to celebrate myself, to joyfully celebrate my own birthday.

That doesn’t mean organising everything. It means that attitude that I’m bringing into it, like how I am so glad to be having this birthday. I am so glad I get to hug you all on my birthday. I am so glad that I’ve just lived a whole other year and I learned so many lessons. You know, we’re always talking about lessons here and how great it is to learn them and how I, even although they feel like I’m so much older than them … So many things, so many lessons that I’m learning because I’m always trying new things. And I’m always looking at, “Ah, what could I have done differently there?” Because I love evolving myself.

I love ageing. I embrace it all. And I don’t want to be the same as I was a year ago. I don’t want to recognise myself in another year’s time, I want to evolve. And that requires being in life, that requires ageing and whatever that ends up looking like on the outside. I mean, what are we going to do? Just embrace it. I don’t want to spend these years of my life hiding on the outer view that everybody else gets of who I am as Lisa Corduff. I’d prefer to show up and be the best version, feel like the best version inside myself and that looks different for everybody.

I mean, my amazing friend, Lisa Carpenter, just won a body building competition at 50. Was onstage strutting about. Feathers, bikini’s, just outrageously amazing. Now that is not my version of how … I would never strive for that at 50. We get to just do this our own way. I mean, what? 42, surely, how did that happen? I can tell you one thing for sure. I’m actually literally looking out my window right now and there’s two men and I would say they were late 70’s, walking together, masks on, trench coats on. I’d say they were friends, maybe they’re partners. I’m not too sure. Chatting, chatting, walking in the wintry weather, just living life. I don’t pity them, celebrate them.

So maybe that’s what’s happening. Maybe when we see Cameron and Drew, besties … Cam and Drew, should I just talk about them like they’re my besties, too? Just living them good lives, smiling and taking a snap. And we can see their crow’s feet. That’s just a celebration of what’s real and we’re kind of all ready for that. And you might not like … That’s just one example. This is one example, but I think it’s less to do with what’s happening on the outside and more to do with the way we’re talking to ourselves on the inside, about what age means. What does it mean for you? We can play victim to what society tells us happens to women as they age or we can reprogram that shit.

And I teach you exactly how to do that inside, Ready for Change. And I hope you are on the wait list for the next round because it is coming soon. And it is going to be a big, big round. I mean, can we just see out 2021, removing some of the BS that we tell ourselves? Can we stand in our power as women and say no to all of this conditioning? It’s not doing us any favours, is it? And it’s actually possible. It’s totally possible. But here’s the thing you can do straight away, is you can think about what your kids are seeing, the language you are using, how are you setting them up to celebrate ageing? You get to do that. That’s your work impacting and changing a generation of children. How cool is that?

How cool is that? So, that’s me. That’s what I’m taking into tomorrow, my birthday. I’m just going to rock up and joyfully celebrate myself. I release attachment, anything that’s coming my way. I’m just going to enjoy what is. 41, 41. I mean, that was a year we were in lockdown last year. We’re in lockdown again. I’ve grown, I’ve changed. Thank goodness. Oh, I’d be so disappointed if I felt like I was in the same space as I was a year ago. And I never will be because I’m constantly just in the work of evolving myself. Just curious about myself. I mean, life is changing all around us all the time. Even though it has felt a little stagnant in certain areas, we get to create our own momentum.

And when you’re always just compassionately curious about yourself and you’re looking at little patterns, when you know that you have everything you need to be able to create the change that you want in your life, then aren’t our life’s just going to feel exciting at every age. That’s my hope. So if you want access to some of those tools, if you want to be able to shift yourself, evolve yourself, just constantly open up to the potential that exists inside you. Develop a deep and nurturing love for yourself. It’s totally possible.

Then come and join us inside, Ready for Change. I can’t wait to share that the doors will be open soon. Make sure you are on the wait list. The link to that is in the bio. There’s some pretty cool things coming. But for right now, I’m going to finish this podcast. I’m going to get it uploaded. I am going to take the day off on my birthday and celebrate. See you next week.

I have great news. The next live round of Ready for Change is coming very soon. So go right ahead and click on the link in these show notes and make sure your name is on the wait list, so that you don’t miss out on joining this transformational programme that will put you back in the driver’s seat of your own life. This course has changed the lives of so many women. Make sure it changes yours this October.

Hey, if you’re enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world to me if you head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review. It really makes a difference and it’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversations that really change the game as possible. Thanks so much for your help and I’ll see you in the next episode.