“Fundamentally I’m different because of it…”
In this episode Lisa dives into the questions she asks herself every morning that will help you, too, create big shifts in your life.It’s not complicated. But it’s a change from the well-known “what do I need to DO today”?Before you DO differently, it helps if you BE different. Learn how!
Lisa shares examples of how this question can help you move out of overwhelm or, on the flip side, feeling lazy and unproductive.
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Hey, welcome to another episode. I’m really glad you’re here. Listen, I would say that most of the change that has occurred in my life has been these small little tweaks to the way that I oftentimes just talk to myself, questions that I ask myself, ways in which I think about my life. And obviously inside Ready For Change we dive into all of this stuff. I share about it and I teach it because fundamentally I’m different because of it. And so today I thought I would share with you that there’s a question I ask myself every day and/or really it can change in a moment. And it’s so powerful, and it’s something that I do share inside the programme because, and I’m sharing it with you today because if only we really did understand that we can do things differently, we can start … For me, it’s usually always around organisation and systems and those sorts of things. My brain, my personality doesn’t naturally go there. And yet I am managing my life, my three children on my own having to make decisions.
And I’m a mum of primary school kids who’s also running a business and serving a community of women and has goals for her life and all of that stuff. So whether or not it’s natural for me, there is a level of organisation that I need to bring into my life. There is a realisation that when I’m completely overwhelmed and maxed out, I’ve let too much get on my plate, that that is not conducive to a peaceful, calm, enjoyable life. And it’s not on anyone else to change it. It’s on me. And my old way of thinking would have been to be really mean to myself about what I’m not getting done and just try to do things differently. But as we know, we always fall back into our old patterns unless we really tackle things at a different level. And so this question that I ask myself each day helps me approach change in a totally different way at a who am I being level and identity level. So let’s use the example of feeling that level of overwhelm.
And if you ever look at me and think, “Ah, she’s just got this all together.” It’s not. It’s just that I’ve got tools to bring me back when life is really getting intense. Let’s just say that. And that overwhelm has been created because of who I was being to create it. I was being a people pleaser. I was being an over-deliverer. I’d lost control of my boundaries. So I was being loose with boundaries and my time. All the things. And we have to take responsibility for creating our own overwhelm, even although I know that some circumstances and some life stages, we can’t escape it. I absolutely know that. But the question I ask myself is who am I being to create this? And who do I need to be today to have whatever it is I want.
So if there is this sense of overwhelm, there’s too much on my mind, too much on my plate, those sorts of things, well, who do I need to be today to feel calm and organised? Who do I need to be? I need to be organised. I need to be calm. So then the question is, if a non-overwhelmed Lisa feels calm because she’s being calm, what might that look like? What might that mean for how I start my day? That’s going to mean having school uniforms out on the couch so I’m not getting up or the kids aren’t scrambling around asking if their skort is dry, and I’m not using a hairdryer because I don’t have a clothes dryer try to make the thing dry in the morning as we’re getting ready.
To be calmer and less overwhelmed, I need to be someone who might need to say no to a particular invitation. I might need to be better with my bedtime routine. I might need to be someone who takes herself off for a walk to clear her head. Need to be someone who prioritises, decluttering, whatever it is. Can you see how it’s a different type of question? Who are you being to create what you’ve got in your life right now? And who might you need to be to create something different? You might be like, well, overwhelm, yeah, maybe on the other end of the spectrum. I think I’ve been really lazy. Can’t get myself going and you’re nasty to yourself. That voice in your head is like, “There’s so much it could be doing and yet here you are scrolling Facebook again,” or whatever.
So the question isn’t let’s just stay in that spot of being really nasty to ourselves. But if you wanted to change that, it’s not about just deciding you’re going to get up and I’ll just write a to-do list and then I’ll suddenly be more productive. You actually have to choose to be productive and work from that place. Today I am going to be a person who is productive and then you’re like, “Oh, okay, cool. Well, if that’s who I’m being today, because I’m choosing not to believe that story I’m telling myself that I’m a lazy or whatever. If I want to shift that, then how do I need to show up? Who do I need to be to get that outcome? Okay, I need to be productive. I need to be energised. Okay, well, how might I do that?”
And when you really start to dig into that sort of thing, like, “Ah, yes, because I’m choosing to be productive today,” then just suddenly you do end up doing things differently instead of pushing yourself from a place of I’m lazy. I’m being lazy. So why would a lazy person ever write a to-do list and tick things off? Why would a lazy person ever get to that messy desk drawer that really needs some attention or love or get to those bills that need to be paid or put on our runners and go for a walk. It’s not going to happen because your identity is as a lazy person. So what about if it was as a productive person? So you can take any area of your life, any type of way of being that you feel like you’re stuck in a rut with and you can flip it and see what it feels like.
Feeling angry and resentful? Well, what might it be to decide to wake up peaceful? Today I’m going to be peaceful. Well then what might need to happen to bring you peace? Oh, well I probably need to have that conversation that I’ve been putting off with that person because it’s disrupting my peace to feel angry about that. I might need to do some deep breathing. I might need to choose to move this emotion through my body instead of holding onto it. I’m going to get my sweat on. What is it that you can do? Who do you need to be to be able to do the things to help you get into that state?
I hope this is making sense. It’s a really interesting question to ask yourselves and obviously go into this much deeper and further inside Ready For Change. And if you’re not in that programme, I hope this podcast episode, nice and short and sweet, has helped you think about a new way of thinking about shifting yourself. Asking ourselves different questions, my classic is who do I need to be today to have the things that I want, and the good old, what does Lisa need today to be happy? Life changing stuff right there. Seems so easy. And it is. Give it a go. And of course, let me know how you go. I’m always interested to hear how these little snippets I share impact your life. So feel free to reach out. See you soon.