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CwL Ep46: Are You Turned On?

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Exploring the idea of feeling turned on… 

Bringing your sexy back shouldn’t be a thing only reserved for single women. It’s a conversation for everyone. For all of us! Is there a general level of turn-onness in your life that goes beyond the amount of sex you’re having or how attractive you are feeling? Or are you just feeling a lack of? Hey, everything you need to live a turned on life is already in front of you! 

So what is this episode REALLY about:

  • We get to talk about YOU 🙌
  • What may have removed your spark?
  • Questions to ask yourself around whether you’re living a turned on life
  • Lighting up and connecting back to that core of you to get your sexy back 
  • Why attaching conditions on when you can feel sexy again is not the answer (you could be waiting forever!)


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Prefer to read? Click here for the full transcript

Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am pretty excited about where we’re going to be going here because was it last week or the week before, I asked all over my socials as I’m creating some new content. I’m looking for how best I can help you. And I asked three different ways in which I could help and asked you guys to vote on it. So here’s the options that I presented and what you told me. So the first one was how to get your sexy back. And I’m thinking that even if you don’t like your partner, maybe you’re single, maybe you love your partner but things just aren’t happening, it’s more like mates, or really, I mean, you’ve just lost the spark, right? I asked also if you needed help creating boundaries and then sticking to them, which always seems to be a hot topic. Not so much this time.

And the third option was how to make decisions. There were a lot of responses, but overwhelmingly people voted for how to get your sexy back. And I mean, I’m all for it. Here’s why. Because it means we get to talk about you. Because it means we can focus on something really, really positive. And this episode of the podcast today is designed to just plant a seed with you. We’re going to talk about this, what I feel it can mean, and some questions for you to ask yourself around whether you’re living a turned on life, because really that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it? We want to feel that energy within us. We want to be working from that place of feeling good inside ourselves and that just filters out to pretty much everywhere.

And it’s honestly, when I share stories, when I talk about anything at all related to sex on Insta stories, and if you’re not following me on Instagram, go and do that right now because it can get pretty hilarious over there in Insta stories, I mean, the crowd goes wild. And I don’t know if it’s because we’re not having these conversations and we’re not seeing each other. I mean, I’m 41. I’m outside of a marriage. Who’s talking about this stuff? Who’s talking about that core essence of us? It’s not just a thing that should be reserved for single people who find themselves out there and flirting and dating and thinking suddenly about their level of attractiveness or something to whichever gender they love. It’s for everyone. It’s for all of us.

So in this episode today, I’m going to be talking a little bit about you not feeling the spark, what may have removed it? Why you don’t? What can get in the way? And I just want to plant the seed with you that the answers to this, to living a turned on life, actually don’t exist outside you. Okay? It’s actually, possibly, always been there. So, I want to ask, when you wake up in the morning, do you literally feel turned on by your life? Whatever you’re going to… If you do work inside or outside the home, does it turn you on? Does your relationship turn you on? Do your friendships turn you on? Oh my God. My girlfriends turn me on in the biggest ways. Are you turned on by yourself? By your daily habits? I think so many of us are just dulled. We’re just getting through life. Is your spark literally being drained by those things?

It’s really interesting when you think about it, because why shouldn’t the things that we spend our time and the people we spend our time with turn us on? I wonder if you turn yourself on? Do you feel excited by yourself? When was the last time you were like, “All right. We are rocking this thing called life.” And we can have those moments. I think I got used to having moments like that, whether it would be travelling or whether it would be something happening that was special like I would launch a new programor something and it’d be all the creativity and all of the excitement to share things and suddenly it was all like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” But what about that every day? What if it wasn’t something that just happened on holidays or a date night? And I know it’s impossible to maintain levels of anything all the time, but there should be a general level of turned-onness we have about choices that we’re making in the present moment, about who we spend our time with, about what we spend our time doing.

And I just wonder what we’ve normalised in terms of just living this hamster wheel, blah existence, and due to your responses to this question, when I proposed the question about what I could help you. A few of you were feeling it. And it’s just not in relation to the amount of sex you’re having or how attractive you’re feeling or anything like that. It’s not about the weight that your body is currently sitting at, whether you need to get your hair done. It’s about this concept of just feeling good, sexy, turned on by ourselves. Because here’s the thing is that anything you want in your external world, anything, it has to… You first must be that, always. We need to be talking about what turns you on, what lights you up, what gets your juices flowing? Because as soon as you’re being that, then everything around you starts to shift.

You know that feeling, don’t you? You know that feeling. I know you do. It might’ve been a while since you’ve experienced it, but you know it. So I’m going to say that again. Anything that you want in your external world, and by that, I mean in your relationships, in your work. You can’t expect those things to change in order for you to change. It’s you that changes first. You must be sexy before your life starts to have these ripple effect around you of sparks going off. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about. We’re going to be talking about turning yourself on.

And I just want to say very clearly that you’re not alone. If you’re like, “Actually, this just doesn’t pertain to me. This doesn’t have any relevance to my life. It’s been so long. I don’t see myself as sexy. I don’t even care. I don’t even want to feel sexy.” But I want to challenge you to stick with me on this because I believe that there’s a part of all of us. It’s actually our core, our base, sort of sacred chakra if you are into that sort of thing. It’s the core of us. When that lights up, then everything can shift and there’s so much that can get in the way of that, so much. I mean, can we just talk about having children? Now I know that for a lot of people, sleepless nights endure for a really long time.

That tiredness, I lose lots of things when I’m tired. My ability to speak, my optimism, my calmness. I mean, I tell you, sleep is the core secret to everything that goes well in my life. Well slept, everything changes. So it’s okay if you’ve found yourself tired and depleted and that focusing on yourself just hasn’t been a priority as you’ve given, given, given to everybody else. And even if you’re feeling like that, I promise you, there’s still ways to connect back into that core of you. There’s still ways to get your sexy back. But we also have to acknowledge that sometimes the season ain’t sexy. I mean, I didn’t want Nick touching my boobs while I was breastfeeding. No, thank you. Stay away from that.

I mean, I was either pregnant or breastfeeding nonstop. Literally, I didn’t have a period in between my pregnancies. As soon as I ovulated, obviously got pregnant and that was a really changing season for my body, for our lives. But because… And if you’ve never gotten into The Five Love Languages, I really recommend you learn about your particular love language and also find out your partner’s love language. Physical touch was always high in our love languages for both of us, so we prioritised physical touch, sex, massages, those sorts of things, even when the kids were little because it mattered to both of us. Lucky for us.

But for a lot of people, it absolutely doesn’t and that’s okay. And even just thinking about toddlers. I mean, we used to get all of the kids down to sleep. So my kids were born… My oldest was still three when the youngest was born, so they were all having afternoon naps and we’d use that time for some sexy time, often on weekends. It was great. But then people didn’t have sleeps and by the end of the day, you’re really tired or you’ve got work to do or whatever it is, and things can slip off the radar. You aren’t alone. It’s a thing. Then they get old enough to walk into rooms and they’re not contained and all that sort of thing. It’s a real thing, but it doesn’t have to destroy your core sexiness, your spark.

I mean, I do think that many women are living lives of total overwhelm. I think that our stress hormones are all over the place because we’re living in this constant state of adrenaline and I think that experiencing COVID and everything that’s gone on with that, I mean, there’s some really big, tangible things that people go through and oftentimes, our sex drive can be reduced. So I want to remind you that it might not be the season for sex, but it doesn’t have to mean the season of you losing you, your spark, you showing up to live a turned on life because it can happen in all sorts of ways and we’re going to be talking about it and I’ve got so much to share on this stuff. Some of us feel like we lose that sexy part of ourselves when our bodies change, having babies, whatever it is, just menopause, changing body shapes, less exercise, perhaps whatever it is, and I think this is where a lot of us fall into a particular trap.

And this is what I talk about all the time, because we start to create stories around what this means. Humans are meaning-making machines. So we start to attach conditions on when we can feel sexy again. So for example, “When the kids are grown up or when I’ve lost 20 kilos, then I’ll feel good and then when I feel good, I can feel sexy.” And it’s just not true. If your ability to enjoy your life, to feel turned on by your life, by yourself, is conditional on things changing, you could be waiting literally forever. Are you prepared to do that? Are you prepared to live your life with these crazy standards that you have created for yourself, mind you, and not experience all the pleasure that is available to you?

I mean, I think about the years I would literally cover my stomach if I was on top when Nick and I were having sex, because I was embarrassed of weight I hadn’t lost after a pregnancy or something. I mean, how crazy. I know loads of friends who said that they felt sexier when they were pregnant, because they could just embrace that their body was different. They weren’t having to live up to some standard that they had set for themselves, no one else. Do you think Nick cared at all? God, I mean, they don’t. And we lock ourselves away from pleasure when we create these standards. We don’t have to do it. And it all comes down to, once again, it’s how we’re talking to ourselves. It’s these stories that exist in our subconscious and we’ve trapped them and now we believe them.

You believe it as truth that without that extra 10 kilos you’d feel fantastic and then you could buy the clothes you want and then you can go out on a date or something. No, no, no, not having it. You have to call BS on that stuff. And we do have a round of ready for change coming up and I want anyone who is interested in busting those stories that are keeping them small to jump on the wait list because I’ve got some cool bonuses for you, if you do. But so it doesn’t pass you by, you can go to and do that.

Here’s the thing. We can always, no matter what’s happening in your life, no matter if all of those conditions are there for you, you can always take a step towards whatever you want, but it helps so much when we understand why we’re not. When we can shine a light on those stories, because they’re there, we’ve all got them, you literally can’t escape them, but when they’re driving your life and keeping you from experiencing what it is that you want, they don’t have as much power and you can choose new stories instead. So what if, and this is the cool thing, this is why I’m loving that we get to talk about this because I truly believe it, what if turning yourself back on, feeling in to what feels sexy and exciting right now is the key to your next level of growth or happiness, contentment?

What if it’s just… Everything is always there and available to you. What if you need to dial up your frequency? What if this next level is just about you coming back into your body in new ways, asking yourselves new questions? What if you don’t need to wait for anything to change outside you? What if everything you need to live a turned on life is already there. We just need to strip away the things that have gotten in the way. You have literally created everything around you. You are a creatress. Look at your life. How amazing. Do you know you can create what you want? You have. And currently this is what you’ve created because of habits you’re in, thoughts you’ve thought, choices that you’ve made, and you can make different ones. Choose different any time.

What if from now on the question was, does this turn me on? And that’s how you make a decision. What if even when it comes to boundaries, is this stripping away my spark? Am I leaking energy here? How can I close that loop? Because right now I’m going in. I’m turning myself on. I’m making decisions from that place. I have so much more to share with you, but just a few questions for you to ponder until the next episode. See you then.

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