CwL Ep121 – The Pleasure Quotient

For many years Lisa was detached completely from the concept of ‘pleasure’. She made three humans in five years and her body didn’t feel like her own. She was supporting her husband through recovery. She was running a business and became the sole-income earner for her family. 


Life wasn’t bad, but it was adrenaline fuelled. And unsustainable.

The concept of life feeling ‘pleasurable’ or seeking pleasure for pleasure’s sake was not part of her reality! 

But she chose to change that, intentionally and found deep personal and relational satisfaction through experiencing and expecting and inviting pleasure into her life. 

What to lose!?

Listen to this episode as she shares about her now default ‘Pleasure Quotient’ so you can create one too!

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Prefer to read? Access the transcript here

Hey, it’s Lisa Corduff. Welcome to the podcast where you can expect inspiring raw, energising, and transformative conversations with people on the path of personal evolution. I’m here to really live my life. And if you are too, these conversations are just for you. I’m really glad you are here. Enjoy.

Oh, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am really glad to be here and I hope you are subscribed to my email list to get access to the sealed section email series. I wanted to talk today a little bit about pleasure, not only because I mean, there’s a bit of sexy talk in the, in the sealed section, but also because pleasure is actually one of the fundamental principles that we explore in the change room. And it’s funny. Pleasure. I mean, you know, I wonder what, even me saying that word, what it brings up for you. I know for me years detached completely <laugh> from like, from, from the concept of pleasure beyond like, I, I actually just think I was completely detached from it because I felt like my body was a machine <laugh> it was making or feeding babies for a long time.

The grind of those early years of three kids in under four years was it felt like a bit devoid and of, of pleasure, but, but I wouldn’t have necessarily been able to articulate that at the time because I would’ve said life felt good, but I was, I was doing it from a place of almost like adrenaline. I was chasing highs, fleeting sort of like my God, this feels amazing. I just launched this new thing. Or I just decided to do this interview series with blah. And, you know, it was freaking exhausting living from that place. It wasn’t pleasure in terms of what I would understand that to mean right now. And it’s interesting. I remember when I, when I got the Brene Brown’s beautiful book Atlas of the heart, and I can remember sort of L looking for where, where pleasure kind of sat where she explored, you know, that state of pleasure, the experience of pleasure. And I was like, where is it? <Laugh>, where’s that? Why is it wasn’t she talking about this? And there’s definite references to it in passing in, in other different areas. But sometimes I think we’ve kind of missed this whole area of, of life. And I would say that exploring it has been one of the best and most satisfying paths to get to know myself at each, you know, at stage of life.

Like I don’t chase pleasure. I, I experience pleasure. I expect pleasure. I invite pleasure. I explore pleasure. And I’m a woman who knows that life can feel less than pleasurable. I don’t expect pleasure. 24 7. I mean, there was nothing pleasurable about the many, many countless nights where I slept on a snot covered pillow. <Laugh> crying myself to sleep. I mean, yeah, so like life isn’t daisies and sunshine and unicorns. That’s not what I mean by pleasure. I, amongst all of that have a genuine expectation that I get to experience pleasure in my day to day life. That is my default now because I’ve experienced how much better life feels when I’m in that place.

Simple moments are sweeter. I can just naturally love on myself, explore what makes me feel good, try things on, in an experimental way, just to see how it feels instead of staying stuck in doing things the same old ways. When you invite in pleasure, there’s always this opportunity for things to just feel a little different. It’s why the clothes that I wear. I mean, I just, I want them to feel comfortable. I expect to feel good in what I’m wearing for, for them to support me in my pleasure state. It’s when I can also really get conscious to things, not feeling super pleasurable and just exploring what’s here. What’s going on. Not that I expect to move back into pleasure, but just that I know what it feels like to be in a place where pleasure is part of my day to day.

And that is that’s a really big shift for, for a lot of people, definitely was for me because it’s beyond happiness or you know, well, I, I feel a huge amount of pleasure when I am just feeling sort of content and peaceful and calm and satisfied. That is a pleasurable state for me to be in. And so I can just pay attention when things are, are feeling a little bit off, but if we never give ourselves the chance to explore it, to explore what as women is our birthright to feel pleasure in loads of different areas, we are pleasure, creators, pleasure makers. We have the ability to change our room just with our presence and how we enter who we are being in ourselves, you know, coming from a place of an expectation that, you know, things are hard or uncomfortable or annoying or overwhelming. Sure. Life is that sometimes we’re a whole spectrum, always, always. And, but allowing all of that and not beating ourselves up for it, I mean, that’s freedom right there, right. Which is a pleasurable feeling. But also just knowing that we have this ability to shift ourselves. And there’s so many different ways in which you can start to explore this. I mean, you could just start to ask yourself what makes me feel good.

You could do things like, like having a shower or a bath and actually just fully experience the water, be really present to it. How does that feel against your amazing skin, your amazing skin, which is doing such an extraordinary job for your body isn’t skin. Amazing. I get pleasure from noticing changes in temperature, outside experiencing them. I have taken a lot of pleasure in my morning coffee. I’m not too sure about you, but actually sitting down and you, there was actually someone in the cafe today. I was sitting there doing some work and she came in and she was just talking to the guy in the kitchen and she just said, you know, I was actually just going to grab my coffee and take away. But then I thought, no, I always enjoy my coffee so much more when I sit down and drink it. And I thought, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, we’re just rushing through this precious life.

And there’s pleasure to be experienced always. I mean, even just the way in which we wake up, how you experience those first 10 to 15 minutes of your day, what a sweet moment to notice, how comfy or cosy you are in your bed to be grateful for the sleep that you had to think expansively about your day to be grateful that you woke up, you know, to just have a stretch, be in your body. All these tiny little things are available to us all the time, but if we’re shut down to the expectation or potential exploration of pleasure, then we’re missing out. Aren’t we, I think we should be talking about this more as women. I know for me, it really started to help me redefine myself.

It absolutely helped me notice what I needed, which is the first step in being able to articulate that to others. And it was absolutely something I wasn’t practised because making sure everybody else felt good and had their needs taken care of was my absolute codependent default, like to, to of like, it was not healthy. So I was not in a position for a long time where I could embody this practise because it seemed to conflict with making sure other people were okay. But actually, I mean, there’s a lot more I could say about <laugh> moving through codependence, but you know, pleasure in and of itself. It’s our game that we can play with ourselves anytime. And how cool I want to encourage you to up your pleasure quotient, you know, if there was a baseline, which is where you’re at right now, how much pleasure do you experience in your life?

If you were really honest with yourself and where would you like that to be? And then, you know, what’s this, what’s one thing you can do to up the pleasure, quotient today, today. And if you come up with a blank, that is okay, and you should really be on the wait list for the next round of the change room, because we spend a few months exploring this stuff and just, just building it into all these different areas of our life. How could it feel more pleasurable? It’s such a simple question, but it’s one that we need to get into the habit of asking ourselves. And when we do, we notice that it’s so much more available for us than we realise, and it changes our experience of how we live our lives. It’s pretty remarkable. That’s why I love talking about it. And that’s why I created the sealed section too, because I want to talk about this a little bit further, little bit more behind the scenes, Lisa available there. So make sure you’re on the email list and Hey, if you are interested in joining the next round of the change room, we will be opening doors before the end of the year. So make sure you’re on the wait list. Cause there’ll be a nice, special little offer for you guys. So make sure you’re on that. Just saying, okay, I’ll see you next week.

Hey, if you missed out on joining the change room recently, never fear. We have created a wait list and you can jump on that right away and be the first to hear about the next time that we open the doors. If you join the wait list, I will keep you well stocked with ways in which you can make sure that you are creating some small tweaks to your life while you are waiting for this experience to open up again, it’s possible to feel different, better, different in your life. Join the wait list for the change room and I’ll be in touch. Hey, if you are enjoying the conversation, then it would mean the world. To me. If you head over to iTunes and give us a rating and review, it really makes a difference. And it’s my intention to get as many of us involved in real conversations that really changed the game as possible. Thanks so much for your help and I’ll see you in the next episode.

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"I’m here to help you break free from the stories holding you back, and create change that sticks"

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